The Amazing Harriet

This episode I talked to Harriet Barnsley an amazing young person who is a reminder to us all that despite what life throws at us we can always choose how we respond. 

When a traumatic incident changes your life forever where do you get the strength to keep going.

Rather than dwelling on what happened she adopted the attitude of sharing her journey to help others.


Show notes:
https://thistooshallpass464.wordpress.com/2022/05/30/triggered/
https://www.headway.org.uk/about-brain-injury/individuals/brain-injury-and-me/harriet-barnsley/
https://www.birminghammail.co.uk/black-country/i-hell-woman-who-survived-23334024.amp
https://amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/jul/14/experience-i-was-hit-by-a-car-doing-101mph
https://www.nimblefins.co.uk/cheap-car-insurance/top-causes-car-accidents-uk#top
https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/608904

Please note content discusses subjects that may be triggers for some listeners.

Music by:

 (Neffex - A year ago) 

 (Neffex - dont want to let myself go) 

Transcript

Harriet: 0:00

Why aren't we focused on we're here with we've got enough problems as it is, regardless of wondering why we're here, let's just deal with what we've got and make each other better.

AO: 0:12

Welcome to another episode of ChatAholic this episode I'm going to be talking to Harriet, who is possibly one of the most remarkable young ladies that I've ever had the pleasure of speaking to. I was so looking forward to speaking to her and she was everything that I expected her to be and more In the show notes on this episode, there's various articles that go into further detail about her story. If you click on the blog that's Harriet's blog, it just goes into a bit more insight, a bit more of what Harriet's up to and actually then you get to see how amazing she is even more. Hopefully you'll get that anyway from the podcast, I don't need to sell Harriet because she pretty much sells herself.

Harriet: 0:57

How are you.

AO: 0:58

Thank you so much for doing this because I'm super nervous because I know you are confident and you are happy sharing your story, but I basically just wanted to make sure that I did you justice. So I'm gonna start with some basic questions. Can you just say who you are, what you do, what's important to you and what you're doing in life at the moment.

Harriet: 1:20

Okay four questions. Right my, I'll try, my name is Harriet Barnsley. I'm 29 years old and I live in Birmingham in the UK. I'm so yes, what I do I'm I do, I do a lot of things. I've, I've been trying to work work with the life that I have now that I have constant fatigue from the brain injury. So I just, it's a lot to contend with, to try and keep it with normal life. So I've carved a different sort of life myself, where I have like two or three volunteer roles. I play wheelchair tennis. I'm learning to be a counselor. I'm studying public speaking to go around, talking about road safety, to name a few, I like to be busy. Yeah, I have to have lots of naps throughout the day, especially at the moment, especially in the heat. Like I'm, I, I have quite a lot on, but I, but because a lot of, so it's voluntary and like wheelchair sports. I can drop things when I need, so I'm trying to learn to kind of, I'm trying to keep up, but when I need to, I just, just, I drop it to rest cause that's gonna be a priority.

AO: 2:28

Actually you don't need to, you don't need to keep busy. You could just say no, because of all of these reasons that I'm not gonna go into yet, because we are not there yet. So I don't know. Is it, is it important to you to be busy?

Harriet: 2:46

Yeah. Good question. It's not particularly important for doing, for me to be busy. So I was hit by a car eight years ago and I've had eight years of recovery. I watched the rest of my friends and the rest of the world just going to normal life and worked full-time jobs. And then I was at home just trying to recover. And it, that in itself bothered me and has taken years to kind of adjust to not needing to be busy, but also, so I go, I go through phases of sometimes I'm doing a lot. Sometimes I'm doing very little to nothing as I'm when I need really, but having built up the stamina and having built up some sort of level of fitness, especially recently just means that I I'm so excited that I can do more. It's not so much a need. It's just as like, I just wanna get loads out of life as much as I can just.

AO: 3:37

I just love your attitude because I'm sure you must know that there's people who just day to day find a lot of irrelevant. I call them first world problems to complain about. And that's why I really wanted to talk to you because you just do, you just do and fine maybe some days you are not this ray of sunshine because we can't all be Ray of sunshine every day, no, I think most of the time you probably are Ray of sunshine and I'm in awe,

Harriet: 4:12

No, but like, thank you for appreciating it. Cuz I like, cuz I don't tend to get loads of recognition for the attitude. I suppose people that know me have been around me just like treat me like normal, but I, but it takes a lot of energy and a lot of effort to have work so hard and work so hard cuz everything is a lot of effort and always will be. Sometimes it gets too much and I've got a therapist and we've been talking about how ways to deal with it and things. Anyway so in 2014, on the 31st of May, when I was 21 years old, I came home from university. I'd completed my degree in philosophy the day before, came to my hometown, met my oldest friend went to go to a hen party for one of our mutual friends, and then woke up from a coma in my mind. It was six weeks later not knowing how old I was not knowing what I'd been doing, not knowing what was going on. I was lying. Couldn't be a single part of my body just staring at the ceiling. But I didn't have the words to explain that I couldn't see properly. So I had double vision. So I just couldn't. I just thought it was a fake world. It was a big joke. Someone, once there's gotta be actors, there's just, can't be real. Cause it's just weird. Like I was like, okay. And then eventually I saw my mom next to me and was like, okay, mom's here. This is definitely real. Like, I dunno what the other, all the other people are doing, but I trust that mom's looking after me. She was just that next to my bedside reading a magazine, which she did basically every single day which was amazing. And then I eventually learnt what happened and kind of just like knew deep down I just had to get on with it I knew like I dunno if what, I can't particularly remember myself or my life before I kind of focus on the new me and try not too hard to like, focus on what was, but like, it just didn't really seem like a choice. You can never comprehend the the multitude of what happened. But then I just started to deal with it. I mean, I didn't really have a choice to not deal with it. I played out my mind I was like well, if I sit there and I cry and I say my life over my life will be over. No, one's gonna make it better for me. I have to do something with it. And I just, I use that to propel me forward.

AO: 6:32

I don't believe every person who would've been in your situation or maybe people who've been in your situation would have the mindset that you've had. And it's not just that you started off with that mindset. It's the mindset that you've worked to actually maintain it also because you like to focus on the here and the now and being present in the current moment, which is something that we all should do a lot more. You just have the best attitude. And I'm not just saying this. You really do. And you are extremely infectious and inspiring honestly. I don't actually know if you realise it.

Harriet: 7:19

I know like, and like, Thank you again so people are like, oh, I'm impressed with you. And then like, I'm amazed that you do these things and I reply well, I'm impressed and amazed that I do them too. I'm just sat there like, oh, it's a relief that I've I've I know lots of people seem to wallow in things. And I just, it's hard to watch. Really. I just feel bad for people for like, knowing that you can choose to cope with whatever happens to you. Maybe the worst thing in the world, but choosing to cope will only can only help make better and choose not to cope will never make it better. Bit of background. So partly because. When I was two years old, my sister Katie was born and she was three and a half months early kidney failure, stone called death, learned difficulties she got meningitis when she was born. And so me and my mom and my dad and Katie have just been a unit that, and she's alive and she's thriving, but she'll never be able to be independent. And, and we just support her and work around. We've, I've always had the perspective, like I've never really gotten people like, you know, like at school when people would just like they'd shoot you down, put you down. I never really got that. I was like, I always just understood it from the get go that life is there to be valued and let's just get on with it. Like just what I did.

AO: 8:40

you do, you just keep going.

Harriet: 8:45

So I had woke up from coma thought my sister knew, and I was 21 at the time and had my sister in my life in 19 years. My first memory was put in my hand in an incubator and her squeezing it. Like I just like. she sees the world so beautifully and just like, doesn't, doesn't try and compete with everyone else cuz she doesn't really get why you would no, she's I'm always like, are you the best? She's like, yes. I know. I'm like, you're great. It's always, I know I am. Yes I'm so like she's just is great. and then I eventually learned that my oldest friend had been with me on the evening and had been killed by the car that hit us. And while that was absolutely devastating, I was just of all of all people in the world don't be heard was like the, the most that she meant the most to me outside directly after my mom, dad, and sister, she was the most important person to me. Well then, and then I just decided, and I was like, well, I've gotta make the most of it. And like I've been insulting to her memory again to just lie down and be like, this is horrendous. Like I just, I know that like. Other people would've reacted differently, but I just chose to use it to make me stronger.

AO: 9:58

What did happen on that day? I'm very aware you don't want it referred to as an accident and I'll be honest I never thought that in my head I didn't realize I didn't ever think well, there may be a reason why actually that's not the correct terminology for what happened. And I read, obviously, because I just read up loads of things about what happened. And I read that you did the petition to the house of parliament regarding it. Yeah, don't know. It's just, it's changed my attitude in that, I know they're called accidents, but I understand why actually no, they shouldn't be

Harriet: 10:49

at first though, like we always, when people would ask me what happened, I would say accident because there was, you know, there's an accident we fall over and there's an accident that you just immediately picture a car crash for some reason. I don't know why it's always in spokes like that, but I still have to check myself every now and then, because the fastest way to explain it is say I was an accident and it's trying to endure that conditioning and stuff. Okay. I came back from university, met my oldest friend. Like this is all I packed to piece together, all of this because I can't remember finishing my degree. I can't remember the weeks leading up to it. I can't remember the day we hit by a car. But we apparently we, so we walked through the park or standing by on, by the bus stop. That's next to park. And I assume that we were looking at each other talking, I don't know. I can't remember it. I've tried to find a memory, but thank God I can't actually get there cuz it would haunt me. apparently two cars were, had been speeding down the 40 mile hour road for miles at well, they were caught on camera just before they hit the bus stop 101 miles an hour. And we were thrown about 50 meters into the park. So like I landed in grass like, which would've saved my life. Cuz you can't throw the, getting hit by a car was not in a car to protect you is like really hard to survive in itself. It's just crazy that I did apparently, Becky was unconscious or like had been killed at the scene immediately. Apparently I was found in the park, sat up screaming like as my lungs filled with blood, which is a horrible I'd have, I've no memory of it. I don't ever wanna have it. But the weird knowing that it's there is, is messing my head quite a lot. And then the driver, his car was in the park, got himself out the car, let himself out the car. And apparently, so the park was full of. Families adults and children on a sunny Saturday evening at like 7 30 at night. and apparently he got outta the car and repeatedly said, don't tell my wife and people tried to Lynch him and just tried to attack him. I just, and, and so when the emergency services arrived, they had to deal with two women in critical. And the third casualty being the driver, cuz he'd crashed into the park.

AO: 13:21

I understand that when you work for the emergency services, you have a duty of care, irrespective of what the person's done. I know that, but I find, I am finding it slightly difficult I'm struggling with that one slightly, which makes me a bit disappointed myself, but I'm just being honest. And I know he has a wife. I'm gonna assume he has other family. So. I guess you have to take the action out of the bigger picture. And the bigger picture is he also has people who care about him and love him. And regardless the emergency services do have a duty of care.

Harriet: 13:59

Okay. I have an interesting thing on this. So, five years later I developed psychosis and, and at hospital got ill again and knew that I was getting ill. And so I went to A&E three times a different trying to communicate that I was unwell and couldn't look myself and needed to put in hospital and they wouldn't listen to me. And I told my story to one nurse and it was like, I was delirious. I accident the overdose. It was like three in the morning. And she like took me for an ECG. And I like looked to see where her hand was. And she like slapped me and like, and then I went on a big, like, ramble about like, How dare. Like I was like, how dare that? Because she'd heard me tell my story and may, maybe sound like odd. Maybe I don't know. Maybe she thought that I drove the car and crashed it. I was delirious trying to explain what happened, years ago and they treated me like a villain and I got really upset because I was like, but why do they think they can decide who they're not a court of law? They can't decide if you're innocent or guilty, which is a complete opposite to you. And then I went on a big rant about how, like they took, hit the driver that hit us to the hospital for two weeks. And loads of staff refused to treat him cause they knew I'd done. And I went around being like, you know, but, but, but like this is a human being. We all deserved. We've treated. But something doesn't sit right with you still, which it it's like. It's interesting to talk about though.

AO: 15:33

I feel like if you were someone in my family, I do think I would've struggled with that and I know that's wrong and it's not the right thing to say. I'm aware of that, but anger would've been my go-to emotion. I would've been angry with him. I guess people just deal with things differently. And sometimes I don't know if you can't solve something, I guess you go to which, every emotion that you can at the time and in that situation, what happened to you and to your friend? I don't know I still feel like anger. Would've been the predominant emotion that I would've gone to.

Harriet: 16:20

No, it's refreshing to speak your mind about it. I don't just, I've done a lot. I dunno. I've I've I work very, very, very hard on my mindset and I don't expect a lot of people to be able to be where I am, particularly without the experiences that I've had. I've had people in my family, people that of my friends have just said, like, I'll kill him. If I see it, I'll kill him. Like, I'm just gonna kill him. And, and I would always reply, like, you know, like, Killing a killer is not gonna help. It's not gonna make it better. Like I, I would disowned you if you killed the man that hits with the car, I understand you're angry, but it, everyone else did this whole, everyone else was all angry for me. And, and I kind of especially was in hospital and I eventually found out what happened. I was like kind of glad that everyone else was raging for me, so I didn't have to do any of it. I was like, okay, their, angry and upset upset. I'm gonna focus on me and get better. And that's kind of just what's happened.

AO: 17:13

I'm glad you focused on what you needed to focus on rather than going to anger. But I do understand why people around you did go to anger.

Harriet: 17:26

Yeah, I understand it to it. To a certain extent. I've never been able to let myself feel any of that anger really, but I don't know, like I don't really do anger in life. I think I get frustrated occasionally, but whenever what's the saying, it's like, anger told me the name she's grief and it's just like. I don't know. Accepting, whatever happens no matter what happens. And like, and especially when everything's going wrong in my life, just anything that ever happens, I need to be able to accept it because except in reality is like, you know, really important. Otherwise you'll struggle to adjust to it all the time I think.

AO: 18:02

So you never felt angry with him at all.

Harriet: 18:06

I feel like that's was important for me to never, I don't know. I just, so I woke up, I couldn't be a single part of my body. I was scared that my, my legs had been amputated. I couldn't look down and check like. The amount of energy, it took to eventually learn to bend my fingers. Like let alone sit up was so like everything took so much energy that I just didn't care. I was like different. And we, in my head, they don't exist. I I've never met them. I can't remember it. It's not, I kind of just blank it out as a thing. Cause I don't see what I would gain from like what I would gain from like, thinking about them too much people over the years, always like, oh, what happened to the drivers? Like what do you with the drivers? And I'm like, I don't care what happened to the drivers that doesn't change what I have to deal with. And I have to deal with like I a lot, like it's I dunno. Does that make sense?

AO: 19:02

It makes perfect sense. I did have to really consider whether I wanted to ask about the driver.

Harriet: 19:07

I think go with on these things, go with your gut though. If that's a burning question aside, you ask it.

AO: 19:12

No, it wasn't. I didn't. I was speaking to people just telling them that I was gonna be speaking to you. And they said, oh, well, you have to ask about the driver. I did say, I'm not sure asking about the driver. It takes it away from it being her story. And then I'm focusing on him and not her and her journey. So I didn't really want to do that.

Harriet: 19:39

Yeah, I suppose like, whenever people do ask me over the years, they're like, what happened to drivers? It feels like I'm like, you're not really dealing with the fact that I'm here in front of you. Like, you're just like, it's like a very diverting the how, yeah. rather than dealing with the here and now and how I am now. They're like, but what happened to the drivers? And like, I don't, it's not something about them, but people are. So I think people are so caught up in the fact that like, they can't comprehend not being bothered about the drivers and that like, so I woke up but it's all very hazy, For a while kind of convinced myself that I must have done it to myself. I must have like, I don't know, ran to the road or been drunk and not know what's happening. Like, you know, I must have, because the alternative of someone else having caused to me and have killed my friend is so, like, I feel so violated that someone had the right to do that to me. Like, it's my life. Like, how can someone do that? Someone else? I just can't comprehend it.

AO: 20:35

I don't feel like anyone else could comprehend it. How did your mom cope? Just because I don't know. I can't imagine for one second, what that must have been like for her.

Harriet: 20:46

Yeah. So my mom was a pediatric nurse when Kate was born. So she like it. So she was used to the medical world. She could, I, I think my family went into roles. My dad had to go back to his self and for business, and he had to like, he sorted out, getting an extension built on the back of our house in time for when I left hospital. So I could actually move back home. Cause it was on the ground floor. Like it was incredible. My sister just came and she drew little, we had little notebook and she like keeping a diary and she just did little pictures and like, you know, played with stickers and just like supported, like it gave me occasionally, but would bring me, me a glass of water that had a straw. So I could sip that when I couldn't move. She'd just do her things. And mom just like. Like, and just got on with it. And we've never what we've ever done really, as the family's got on with it, she's just sat by my side. Was there as long as possible, she was there outside of the the visiting hours. They'd let her come early and leave late. They were understaffed. So whenever anything got missed or anything, anything needed chasing, she just went into that mode. And just, just, I don't know. I got to the stage where I was like getting ill and throwing up and couldn't help it. And she'd like be one person that was there to bring a sick bucket to me. Cause the other staff, all the other, all the staff were busy cuz it's and she, and I dunno, she, she got signed off work and then she eventually quit and to support her disabled daughter, my sister, me who's become disabled and like, and it, I know that that was her focus. Like, I'd never really, I've never really asked too much about it, just in the sense that like, cuz it probably would be too painful. Cause I feel what she feels and like, I, I don't particularly want, like, it was hard enough dealing what I dealt with, let alone having to worry about other people. So they never made it. Ah, you know, life at home is really hard at the moment. You know, they've never put any of that on me. And when I got put in hospital for mental health reasons, I had like someone said to me, they were like, you know, but think about Joe, your partner. Think about how hard it is for him at home. And I'm like that. That's not, that's not gonna help me get better. You're giving me that on top of being ill and being put in hospital. Isn't it worrying about the people at home?

AO: 23:02

I believe that sometimes people don't really understand how mental health actually works, because actually if you could click your fingers and be okay, you would, but you can't obviously hence why people struggle with mental health, because it's not something that you can just get over just like that. I just don't really find that particularly helpful because it's such a burden experiencing what you are experiencing in that moment in time. And then to add that pressure

Harriet: 23:33

Right. So that exactly from my mental collective as well, but applied to me in hospital when I woke up the coma, mom, just like that, that was how we dealt with it. They just like, we're not gonna put when none of us are gonna put our stresses on you because you are already dealing with enough. That was just how it was. Yeah. So when you, sorry. So when you asked me how mom dealt with it, I, I mean, I watched her and she dealt with it as she could, like, but I, I don't wanna know how hard it was.

AO: 24:01

How long were you in hospital for

Harriet: 24:04

so I was in hospital for a total of five months, coma for a month, two weeks of memory loss. So I'd forget the name for three months in the initial hospital started getting sick. I dunno if my body was freaking out from what had happened, I don't know, but I just threw up every day, three to five times a day for a month, I lost two and a half stone. I went down to seven stone. I'm five foot six. I just need, I was like, oh, I just thought, and it was, I need my strength to be able to move to the rehabilitation hospital. so that was delayed because of that. And then I got to the rehabilitation hospital and I was put on like a brain injury ward for, of lots of old people, elderly people. and the staff treated me cuz they were used to dealing with like everyone's understaffed and everyone like the staff could fine, but the staff treated me like I was one of the elderly people in terms of like, so they used to they'd command their things and like, know they'd be like, oh, come on, have a wash and get up and get dressed and like try and courage these, these elderly ladies to, to deal with their life, to, to carry on. And a lot of them, a lot of the patients who got to stage where they're like, meh, you can do it. I'm right. I'll lie down. Let me know. I'm old, everything's tired and effort. And then the staff would turn to me and they'd be like, you know, I reach your shoes and put on, put on new socks and I couldn't bend. I had bone it fuse my hip to still shut And now I sit there and I was like, I can't, they're like, oh, just try. And I was like, like,

AO: 25:37

you physically? Couldn't it's not a case of, no, I'm not in the mood today. Might just skip it. You physically couldn't,

Harriet: 25:46

Yeah, it just, and I could, and I'm not the sort of person that has ever been like, I couldn't ever be like, excuse me. Like, no, that's not. I'm dealing with all these things. I couldn't list the thing that I was doing with, I just kept it to myself and was like, can't. And then eventually, like, but because of that, Because the whole general attitude of, of the hospital and they kind of like physio didn't have enough time. Everyone was overstretched. I just worked faster than I possibly could to go. I was, I can't stay here. Like I just, I got put in a room with a lady that had an MS that kept trying to kill herself. Like I just, I couldn't stay there. So, but so I just, and I was gonna work hard anyway. And I was fit before I was fit, like fit the fittest and healthiest I'd ever been. As I got hit by a car and the doctors say my lungs really strong. So that's where I survived, cuz I was really fit and healthy. And I, so I've got the brain injury, fatigue, like fatigue means that I'll never be able to have that level of fitness. Again, I can't ever run again. I can barely walk or stand for long periods of time without being knackered or uncomfortable, but I still pushed as fast as I possibly could just to, just to get out.

AO: 27:02

you know, your body, you know, your mind. do you possibly push a bit too much sometimes. Do you have days where you do push yourself a bit? Yeah, a bit too far.

Harriet: 27:17

Oh yeah. I'm not a superhuman. yeah, so. I'm like the fittest I've been in the last eight years, which is why I can do so much. And I'm so excited by everything. I'm still having to miss out on things. I'm still having to, if I walk slightly too far or I just, or mental exercise as well as physical exercise. But if I use my brain too much, my body gets knackered. I have to have lots of days out. I always kind of like, I don't to play my, struggles in just, I don't I who ask how, how life is. I'm like, it's fine. It's great. Like, and then, and then, you know, When someone's a, can we not do something soon and not like tomorrow? And I'm really, I can't function. Sorry. Like it's, I don't really try and explain to people. I'd rather just get on with it. Because if, when you do explain to people fine, it's I can get the consideration, but I don't wanna have to convince someone why I just wanna go away and deal with it on my own. That's part of how I have always dealt with the whole thing. And I feel like not resting on other people is important to dealing with my own thing my thing.

AO: 28:23

I just love your positivity. I'm just gonna keep saying it.

Harriet: 28:26

That's why I wanted to do these podcasts. Cause I wanted just share it as much as possible. Okay. So I got messages from lots of people. Like when I posted my I posted, oh, hello. world, when I woke coma and I got like 350 likes and I was like, oh, stood up today. Like however many months later. And I post these littleBits as, and when I, these things and one person that I didn't really know, but had been to my school message and said they had been, so mentally paralyzed, like they'd just been, they'd been like their mental health had meant they could barely a bedroom. They had to have, medication to just leave the room with the toilet. They couldn't function. This be able to live life. And she was like about a year older than me. saw what happened. Saw we post little bits of recovery and saw me like, deal with it. I dealt with and gained strength and. Used that as motivation to get herself better, got herself walking and talking again, got herself, moved out and got myself a job. And I just, and then, then I was like, then I was like, yeah, cuz I've touched up people's life. I didn't really realize it. And then I've had like a few of those stories and I was like, I've got set of blog and just reach out to more people. Because for some reason I have this determination to cope with whatever is thrown at me. And I just feel that people benefit from seeing someone do it. I know that all situations are different, but, but just having the strength to just deal with something ridiculously traumatic give like makes you kind of think, oh, what, maybe I could do it to in my own life.

AO: 30:05

if I could bottle you up, I would, if I could bottle up your attitude, your positivity, your energy, I would I'd bottle you up and. Not actually sell you. I would give you away to people for free. Although if I sold your energy, I feel like I could make a fortune.

Harriet: 30:29

Really, I I'm amazing. I, I, yeah, I, I don't realize the extent necessarily, but I feel, I can feel like the power inside of me. I can feel like that. Like the, I don't know. I dunno how you like that spirituality. I feel like we're all connected, like to some sort of higher power. I don't really necessarily believe in religion, but I think like, and I feel that like Becky has died and she's gone into the universe and I just kind of like used bits of like the idea of her or the like, thought of her, or just use bits of strength from people, you know, when you see people cope with things and I'm like, oh, be that person when they've respond, had dealt well, but like, I would just pull this from all the other people around me and kind of inspire me and just.

AO: 31:19

I have a whole lot of crystals. I actually have one in my hand. Do I believe in God? I don't know. I believe in the universe. I believe in energy because I can see that. I can see, I can see trees. I can see flowers growing. I don't know. I, I don't know. So I believe in the universe.

Harriet: 31:45

Yeah. I, I read like quite a lot of Buddhist books. I reading one at the moment. That's like that just started saying, oh, I can't remember. I read it last night. I can't remember exactly how it was, but it was saying that, you know, there's not the things that we have like in religion, like know God and Jesus there's. So like, is that we shouldn't be encouraged to be like someone else. We should be encouraged to be ourself. Like it's not a case of, and then just deal with what you've got right in front of you. That's that's all you can do. There's no point in thinking of anything else, really like that's. I read in like a book that I can't remember. It was a really good quote. It was like, People say, oh yeah. Wonder where we came from, you know, like, why are we here? And how is the world, how it is and blah, blah, blah, blah. All these questions are like why and how, and really, you know, why aren't we focused on we're here with we've got enough problems as it is, regardless of wondering why we're here, let's just deal with what we've got and make each other better. That's that's the key to it though.

AO: 32:41

You can only be you.

Adeola: 32:42

Rightly or wrongly, probably wrongly. I shy away from emotions that I aren't pleasant for me. I like having a positive attitude. It's it's what keeps me going. tomorrow might be a bad day, but that doesn't then mean. The next day is going to be bad or the next hour or the next minute it's we are constantly changing. Time is constantly changing everything. Isn't just set in stone. I have an old manager who said to me, recently when I said to him, I said, him I was speaking to you. And he said to me, Don't worry about time and you don't have enough time to do this. You don't have enough time to do that. Just worry about, okay. Well, am I happy in that moment in time. Is there anything else you'd like to share?

Harriet: 33:43

what would I particularly like to say? I dunno that if people wanna find me go to my blog, this two shall pass 464. So I'm writing a memoir, I'm trying to an agent at the moment of, of building a following. I'm gonna just pissed off over shit. If I can't get an agent, but it's going to be called thrown, which I really likes. Like I was thrown physically into the park. I was, my life was thrown off course, and there's a thing in pottery that like it's called throwing when you, when you, when you build something with something out of the dirt, the clay, and like, and that's beautiful. and it's gonna start with the episode of me and psychosis. So my psychosis, I thought I was dead. I thought I was living in hell. I thought a nurse had said to me in hospital, what if none of this is real? It's all in your head. Five years later, I then believed that I was, like I said, I'd repeatedly said to myself, no one survives this, no one survives this. And then I got so low that all I could do was sadness. And I thought I was in hell and thought I had to die again, getting sectioned and getting put on medication saved me, saved me to the point where I couldn't really grieve from the crash before. Cause I couldn't remember. It didn't really feel like I, I couldn't, I just, I couldn't ever like, you know, it's too big a thing to be like, okay, I accept that and move forwards. I didn't know how to, I thought if I bowed down to it, I'd never get back up, getting ill, getting sectioned, having the worst nightmare of psychosis in my head. And then that turning out not to be true. Like set me free was the most freeing thing to like, I feel like I can breathe again. And that's what I'm kind of writing all about. This is my book and I kind of have the perfect I'll have a really good combination of the physical recovery loads of different ailments and challenges. They try to amputate my leg loads of times, like I lot of wheelchair use crutches and then the mental health problems, which I can never really relate to before.

AO: 35:44

Mental health is actually real. People are struggling. People were struggling prior to covid and prior to the lockdowns, and now it's in the spotlight a lot more. And that that's got to be a good thing. I like that there's a lot more focus now than there's ever been when it comes to mental health, because historically it just used to be swept onto the carpet. You're fine. Go to see your GP. GP would give you some tablets and say, okay, just get on with it and need to clarify. Not saying there's anything wrong with going to your GP and taking tablets there are also other things I feel like they should be recommending alongside medication.

Harriet: 36:32

I'm so glad that I've had the experience, no matter how painful it was of psychosis and bipolar, to be able to relate to other people's struggles and to not be like, oh no, just like, you know, just put on a smile and deal with it is just so unhelpful. So then that's why I'm trained to be a counselor. I'm just, I wanna help people with my book and I wanna help people in person. I've done the first part, I'm starting the next part. It's like it's several years for, but, but I'm also going to be volunteering on, a helpline to have people phone up and say, I'm not dealing with life and like supporting them how I can in the meantime, as I felt that would be good training and also really good to do. I kind of I've, I've got half I've got into the training of counseling and I just wanna start helping people. So this like volunteering roles will be really good for that. that's my one struggle with say the help lines compare and, and counseling is that really, it's not gonna be about me. It's gotta be about them and dealing with them. But whenever someone shares some painful, I can relate to so many different, hard things. And when you share little bits of, oh, I've had this and I've dealt with this, I can I get it that I feel that sucks so much more healing than just saying, oh yes. I like helping people find them as well. Cuz lots of people are, oh, nothing compared to yours. I'm like, no, we've all got stuff. especially now cause Covid like, you know, shook everyone's worlds. like someone said a podcast like's kind of like given people a taster of what it can be like for life to suddenly go it be like taken away the way you know it. And everyone has a bit more sympathy for trauma now. Or like people struggles like disabled people are getting a lot more support now because people like, oh, things can get wrong.

AO: 38:14

it's not that I'm into doom and gloom, cuz I do feel like I just want doom and gloom. That's not it at all. I just like people who've experienced. something And come out stronger in spite of that experience, and those people don't always come in the form of Gandhi and Mother Theresa, those people are all around us, just everyday people. And I just don't know. We don't get enough time to speak to those people

Harriet: 38:53

I get that though. Like I'm just drawn to talking about people's traumas connecting is how we relate. Like, it's just seeing what they carry inside them is just beautiful. I think it's fascinating seeing what people have gone through to get to where they are.

AO: 39:09

I promise last time you are amazing. Not because of everything you've been through, just because of who you are. And honestly, thank you so much Harriet

Harriet: 39:20

Thank you very much.

AO: 39:21

Thank you for listening to another episode of ChatAholic, please again, have a look at Harriet's blog. She also mentioned that she is looking for a publisher for her book. So if anyone actually knows a publisher. I have an email address now, so please email me chat aholic.me, gmail.com. And I can pass that on to her. So just wanna say thank you so much again for listening. Also complete side note, whoever is listening in Germany. I don't actually know if you're listening, but I think there's someone who's listening in Germany. Just wanted to say thank you so much because I'm not sure, but I think you've listened to every single episode so far. So. Just because I'm incredibly nosy, obviously, if you don't have to, but if you'd want to email, my email address and let me know who you are, that would be great. And also, if anyone wants to email in with any requests of different people, I could speak to different stories that you'd be interested to hear different journeys. Let me know, cuz apparently. I'm now taking requests. Thank you so much. Bye.