Living with MSA: The Battle with a Terminal Illness and Finding Peace

This episode of ChatAholic, we dive into the heartfelt and emotional story of Daisy, a courageous individual facing unimaginable challenges. Despite repeated requests to be put in a nursing home, Daisy's partner refuses, leading to a discussion on end-of-life decisions and the struggle with pain and illness. Daisy reveals her intimate connection with God and the dreams of heaven she experiences, which inspired her to compile a powerful book called "Beyond Heaven's Gates." We unpack Daisy's belief that these dreams are divine glimpses into her future and a source of peace amidst the challenges she has faced and  faces. Daisy shares her inner turmoil about her physical limitations and the frustration she experiences as she loses the ability to do activities that once brought her joy. In an unexpected twist, Daisy unveils a surprising peace she  found, which stems from a divine message she received after her diagnosis. We explore her encounter with Kirk Cameron, a pivotal figure who offers support and encouragement, motivating Daisy to write and publish her book. But the journey is not without its share of pain, as Daisy bravely opens up about past abuse and the difficult family dynamics they have faced. Through it all, Daisy's unwavering faith and devotion to God shine brightly. We delve into their upbringing in a religious household and the significant role that faith has played in their life. We also examine their health challenges, including an initial misdiagnosis and the devastating revelation of Multiple System Atrophy (MSA), a condition with no cure. As the episode unfolds, we confront the complexities of forgiveness and the consequences of painful family dynamics. Daisy's willingness to testify against their abuser leads to unexpected challenges and heartbreak. The episode covers a startling revelation about Daisy's true parentage, as she discovered that the person she thought was her biological mother, was not. We explore the emotions surrounding this discovery and the impact it has had on Daisy's understanding of her identity. Join us on this deeply moving episode of ChatAholic, as we explore the power of faith, forgiveness, and resilience in Daisy's extraordinary journey.

Please note Daisy's episode we discuss topics that may not be suitable for everyone.
Topics include sexual abuse involving a minor and suicidal thoughts.

Please note transcription accuracy may vary.

Sources:
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/multiple-system-atrophy/
https://connects.catalyst.harvard.edu/Profiles/display/Concept/Multiple%20System%20Atrophy
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Unexpected-Moments-Daisy-Paige/dp/1669811913
https://www.facebook.com/DaisyPaigeUnexpectedMoments/
https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/defeatmsa/


Music:
(Neffex - A year ago)
(Neffex - dont want to let myself go)

Website: 
https://chataholic.me

Transcript

Daisy: 0:00

There's been times even with the diagnosis and the disorder that I'll wanna end it sometimes, because I'm tired of the pain and the misery and everything that comes along with it

AO: 0:15

Welcome to another episode of ChatAholic. This episode, I am speaking to Daisy. I want to just add because my partner who apparently is also now a podcast. Critic, rightly, so it's fine. I welcome feedback. Goods. The positive. The non so positive. And especially constructive and he commented on some of the. Sound quality on some of the episodes. but I just want to say. That daisy's episode sound quality. Isn't great. And unfortunately, there wasn't anything that can be done about that. Please, please, Can you just stay with her, I wasn't sure if I wanted to speak, to Daisy a. I didn't know if it was maybe. Maybe a bit too much. But this is something that she wanted to do. It was important to her. It's important to her. that's it. And hope you stay through till the end. Thank you Hi Daisy. Thank you so much for agreeing to be on the podcast. could you just tell me a bit about you Whatever you're happy sharing.

Daisy: 1:24

I'd be happy to. First of all, I wanna thank you so much for having me today. It's an honor to be a guest on your show. I am from a Texas, a small little town here in Northeast, Texas. And I've been raised here all my life. I've left a few times, but I can't go away more than four and a half years. And I get drawn back to the town cuz of some tragedy or trauma. So I guess I'm meant to be here with family and friends and be safe and secure. So I'll and I'll just remain here with my family.

AO: 1:57

Would you mind just going back in time a little bit and telling me a bit about how you grew up your upbringing. Obviously I know about. But i'm going to keep quiet so you can share in your own words

Daisy: 2:07

Yes. Yes. Yes, I lost my mother at a young age and my father remarried. I was actually too young to know that. So I grew up thinking that my stepmother was my real mother for quite some time. We were raised in church, went to church every Sunday morning, Sunday, evening, Wednesdays. She played the piano. I was such a devoted Christian that I, I knew the Bible from the front to the back, by the age of nine. I was a Christian and Texas Bible drills, state Bible drills, and Texas is a huge state. I know that you're aware of that. And I'm won second place in a state of Texas Bible drills. So I, I was really devoted and going to church camp. Every summer was something I looked forward to all year long. I just, I had my own Bible studies every morning before school, or just when I woke up and I was a really devoted Christian. I loved learning about Jesus and God, and was very faithful and it got to the point where I even started the Bible over again. That's how much I was into it.

AO: 3:13

Was your dad religious before he met your stepmom?

Daisy: 3:17

Yes, My father was a preacher for a while, but I don't remember that I was too young. But he was too busy. He was a fireman, a paramedic and a police officer. So he did all of the emergency work, first responders.

AO: 3:31

Wow. That's actually a lot of things that that he did, You mentioned that you grew up thinking that your stepmother was your biological mom. When were you told that wasn't the case

Daisy: 3:44

actually I was nine before I found out about my mom and they just wanted to be on my terms when I was ready. When I started having questions, didn't wanna confuse me. I had, my real mother's mom had her when she was in her mid forties. So she was a little older and I had a lot of grandparents, but so I called her grandmother and I thought she's just a great grandma. So I was at her house one day and I saw this picture and I have seen this picture a lot and it had drawn my attention because it's one of those big pictures where the eyes follow you, and I said, grandmother, who was that in that picture? And she said, she just left the room. She didn't say anything. And a few moments later, my, what I thought mom and dad showed up and she was sitting on the hood of the car and he came in and he said, you need to sit down and he tell you something. And he said, your mom's going to heaven to be with the angels. And I said, no. And I took off running outside and I grabbed my, what I thought with my mom by my, by her legs. So she said on the hood of the car, and I said, you need to go back inside and tell them that you're not dead because they're telling me that you're dead. And she grabbed me by hand. She rushed me inside. And my dad said no, that woman in the picture, her name is Karen. That is your real mother. That's the mother that gave birth to you. Jolie is your stepmom, but she's raised you from a very young age and we wanted to wait. we didn't wanna tell you, we thought you were ready and you asking, apparently that means you're ready and you should know the.

AO: 5:12

I can't imagine what that must've felt like for you. Growing up. Thinking this lady was. Your biological mom and I actually personally don't really think it makes a difference wherever. You're biologically someone's child. All you're not. I don't believe love is about biology. However. to think, something for nine years, and then to know, actually that wasn't the truth. I don't know I was that. I imagine, was it traumatic for you? And not taking it away from you. But equally, I can't imagine how your biological mother's mum. Managed to go. Nine years without sharing with you about. Her daughter, who was your mom and wanting to. Talk about her.

Daisy: 5:57

It was life changing. It was a shock. I told you, but it had been like a couple weeks before that we were going home one day and I just had been having this feeling. And I said, was I adopted And they were like, no. it was just strange, just hit me. Something's different. I don't know. Because I had also asked her, we had some family over and one of'em was like eight months pregnant, my cousin. And she was talking about how the baby was kicking a lot and you could see the belly moving. And I said, mom, did I kick a lot when I was in your belly? And she said, I don't remember. And I thought that was of strange. And mom would always, should know. Yeah, you were kicking all what you kept me up all night or, things like that. So I guess that was one of the things that made me think was I adopted.

AO: 6:40

How was your maternal grandmother when she finally was able to talk to you about your biological mom? That must've been. I don't know, like this massive weight that she'd been carrying around for nine years. Finally, she was able to. Let go of that

Daisy: 6:57

She was relieved that she was finally able to talk about my mom, because now when she made a promise with my father, that, he could be the one to tell me. So she had to wait for him to say, that she, he told me so she could talk about her.

AO: 7:12

Did you have any siblings? That. were older than you or i don't know a half siblings that knew?

Daisy: 7:18

My brother was five years older than me. And so he did, but I only had, I had a half sister younger than me. That was my stepmom and my dad's daughter. But yeah, my, my older brother knew, and I don't know what kept him from telling me either, that was strange. He only had a little bit of memories from her though, cuz he was only five when she died.

AO: 7:39

Okay. So he was still really young. I'm just surprised that he didn't say anything because. I don't know. I don't feel like young children are very good secret keepers.

Daisy: 7:51

Yeah I know, I dont know

AO: 7:54

How did you. If you even did manage to, how did you even heal from that. Because. That's a lot for a child. then even into adulthood. I don't know. I believe that our, parents are. Very linked to our identity, not to everyone, but for some people. So, how did you process, Did you heal? If I'm. If that's okay for me to ask that. And again, please remember anything that you're not happy sharing. only. Share what you're happy sharing

Daisy: 8:31

It took a long time, especially because after finding out my brother started abusing me and blaming me for her death, and I was like, oh, I was young. How can I be the blame? But then the way he talked to me, it made me really think that it was my fault, just so of course I beat myself up inwardly, too. And it was just hard. It was something that I just wanted to put on the back burner, kind, keep out my mind and then asking God, with me being such a devoted Christian could, did. My dad's sister caught him abusing me the first time it was sexual abuse and he was only about 14. So she thought it was childhood curiosity, and she took us downstairs and prayed about it. And since she didn't tell anybody, I didn't think it was, I was supposed to tell anybody, being such a young child. I didn't tell anybody until I was about. 14. So after four and a half years of abuse, it took me that long to be able to tell anyone.

AO: 9:40

Did she ever speak to you about it? Did she, I know you said she prayed about it, but did she ever take you aside and say, Daisy. Are you okay? Daisy, what do you need? What can I do? And she didn't tell. Your dad. either or Your stepmom

Daisy: 9:58

No. And she was like a second mother to me, but, I just got that extra nurturing kind of feeling that I guess I needed from her. And like I said, I guess I just put it in the back of my head where it became repressed. You know what I'm saying? Where I just blocked it out of my mind. And when I was with her, all I could think about was, or how much attention and how much nurturing she gave me

AO: 10:23

I think I can understand that something. So horrible was happening to you. And you didn't want to focus on that. You wanted it to just be somewhere else where. You're being loved and being nurtured. So. I understand that

Daisy: 10:39

Yeah,

AO: 10:40

How did you cope with all of this? Because for anyone. Child or an adult. Is there any way to begin to even process what you went through

Daisy: 10:49

I actually had a couple more things happen, but I won't tell you because I don't wanna ruin it for you But I ended up trying to commit suicide and went into therapy because I just got to the point where, I felt like I was being cursed or God wasn't really there for me after all I had, devoted my life to him and. That I kind was losing my faith little a mental health facility to help me with my depression and try to focus on living

AO: 11:18

Did it help you realize that. None of these events that happen to you in your life. were, your fault. You werent ever the, perpetrator, you were always a victim

Daisy: 11:30

that's when I realized I was going through wasn't normal and that it wasn't my fault. So then I went back to God again, after that.

AO: 11:39

So would it be. Correct for me to say either. Whilst you're in therapy. You took a break from God. Which I'm definitely not judging. just wondering if. Whilst you were in therapy. You focused Wholeheartedly on you

Daisy: 11:53

Yeah, I would say so. Cause I tried to hold onto that faith, but there was no way with all that, that had happened that I could, because like I said, I thought there's really a God and I'm so faithful to him. How can he do this to me?

AO: 12:06

Did therapy help?

Daisy: 12:08

It did. And after that I went back into, back into church cause I was impatient for about six and a half weeks and went back to church and I rededicated my life to God. And then my faith got a little stronger again.

AO: 12:20

Once you reconnected with your religion, did you continue going back to therapy? As an outpatient

Daisy: 12:26

I continued outpatient therapy And was on medication. So that helped too

AO: 12:32

how long did you continue therapy for?

Daisy: 12:33

Probably about a year and a half.

AO: 12:36

Were there are the other things that you found helped you also. I don't know maybe other people in your life

Daisy: 12:44

There was one boyfriend in high school that I reconnected with about 20 years later. And. Some earth angels, you hear of earth angels quite often, and I've experienced earth angels quite a few times in my life. And that's helped me hold onto faith. And just some close family that are, involved in the charges. My uncle, which is my real mother's brother, he's a preacher. So he helps. And then I have a friend that. A priest, a Catholic priest and he helps. And now I got out of therapy, when I was like 16, I'm back in therapy. Now I've been in therapy for five years. So before, I found out what I have right now. the five years that I've been in therapy, that's helped a lot with everything that I've experienced.

AO: 13:31

So I'm going ask for you in particular, it was really important for you to share your story and share your journey with people. Has it always been important to you?

Daisy: 13:44

it didn't happen until my diagnosis. After I got diagnosed with MSA, which is Multi System Atrophy, it's a very rare terminal neurological condition. So rare that only four out of every 100,000 people in the us are diagnosed with it.

AO: 14:01

When I knew I was talking to you I did some research into MSA. And there wasn't a lot out there. The information I found was that medical professionals struggle. To diagnose it because they confuse it with Parkinson's. Because some of the characteristics. Of the disease are quite similar. I did find. an article call from one of the Harvard medical universities. And they have now set up a team and they're trying to do a bit more research to try and help them understand it a bit more because there isn't that much information But even this is in its really early stages. And people do struggle to actually get a diagnosis At what stage did you. Begin to know that something just didn't. feel right with you

Daisy: 14:48

About four and a half years ago. So about late or mid to late 2018, I started losing coordination and just falling a lot stumbling, dropping things, shaking, having muscle rigidity. I was really into yoga, so it was getting hard to do yoga. It was hard getting hard to go from one side to the other, just, little things like that. We went to the doctor and was sent to a, the anyway,

AO: 15:21

I feel like I want to say rheumatologist. But I don't actually know if that's a real word or if I've just made it up. I think it might be a real word, but I'm not sure.

Daisy: 15:32

I think that's right. It sounds right. And they diagnosed me with tardive dyskinesia. I don't know if you've heard of that, but it's a, it comes from depression medication So we really believe that's what it was, but then I started getting really worse, quicker. My walking was like really slow. What's the, what they call bradykinesia. And so they sent me to the neurologist and the neuro neurologist. Diagnosed me with Parkinson. Like you said, he gave me some medicine for it, but it didn't help anything. So he was like, he did a lot of tests, MRIs, cat scans, pet scans, things like that, and nothing was coming back. So he said I think you're just delusional. And I'm like, what? Yeah, I'm gonna send you to a movement disorder specialist that took me about six more months to get into one of those. And first time he looked at me, he spent two and a half hours with me, but within the first 10 minutes, he said, this isnt Parkinson's, this is MSA. And I said can you fix me? And he. No, sorry. There's no cure for it. And I was just in shock, and stunned. I was with my mother, my stepmom, but I call her mom cuz she's my mom and she's a nurse. So I wanted her to go with me cuz you know, with COVID only one person can go with you to your appointments. She's medical and I wanted her to kinda translate, terminology if need be. And so when we had to go outta town to this specialist. So it was about a two and a half hour trip up one way. So we spent the night in town because it was an early appointment and my husband went with us, but he stayed at the cabin that we had rent. With my little puppy and we were there, the daughter spent two and a half hours with me, and then I had to have some lab work done and get a prescription. So I called them and said, I'm gonna be a little late. So I'm gonna call the the rental owners and let them know that we'll have to check out late. And I said, but it's not Parkinson's it's MSA. And he said what is that? And I said, I don't know, really it's Multi System Atrophy. He's given me some medication just to try to slow progression down. My husband researched it before I got up to the cabin to pick him up. And when he came, when we pulled up, he came running out to the vehicle. white does ghost? And his hair was just frazzled. And I'm like, what is wrong? And he's what do you mean? What is wrong? And I'm like, what is wrong? My mom said, We're sorry, we took so long. He said that's not it. And he just fell to the ground crying. And my mom went over and helped him up and said, what's wrong. He said she only has five to seven years to live. And I was like, what? He goes, yeah. I just researched it. And you only have five to seven years to live. You've already been going through this already for a couple of years. Yeah, now it's about four and a half years that I've had to, that I've been going through it. And I can tell I'm declining even more quickly. So after that diagnosis, I got a vision.

Adeola: 18:48

Right. Okay. I'm so sorry.

Daisy: 18:50

Don't worry I'm at with it. And I'll explain that to you in just a moment. No. Don't, like I said, I'm used to it. it's a very emotional story. after that diagnosis, I had a vision and God came to me in this really bright ball of light with praying hands. And then they opened up why said my child, your time is near, but first you must share your story from the beginning. And I didn't know how I was supposed to do that. I had no clue, but the doctor just told me this is gonna progress quickly. So live your life each day is the best you can take advantage of it. Do what you wanna do while you still can't. hadn't seen one of my friends in Vermont and for. 10 years. So my husband and I planned a trip to Vermont to go and visit her, but she ended up with COVID. So we had to postpone our trip and we were going by a church in my hometown and on the marque, it said, Kirk, Cameron was gonna come there that week. And so my husband asked, do you wanna go and see him since we can't go to Vermont? And I said, I would love to. He said, let me see if your mom wants to go with you. So she did cuz she knew I was a big fan of him as a teenager. I had his posters all over my bedroom. I was in.

AO: 20:13

Can you just explain to people who may not have heard of him and don't know who he is? Just a bit about him. Who is he?

Daisy: 20:21

Yes back in the eighties and early nineties. So for seven years, he was on a sitcom called growing pains. Mike Seber in the Seber family. Now he's done Christian work, Keith met Christian films. The fireproof left behind one, two and three war world. He's a very famous actor and he does American camp fires where he goes around America and does revival ministries. So he is a really great Christian Guy and Hollywood didn't do. Wrong, and getting, get into drugs and all that. He became religious. As soon as the the series ended growing pains. After the seven years 91, he became very religious and just started living for God. He's married. He married in 91 and if he does a movie, he doesn't even kiss girlfriend or wife who he is with in the show. His wife stands in with a wig, matching the actress of his wife on the show and he kisses her.

AO: 21:24

That's really sweet

Daisy: 21:26

isn't it very devoted husband in that shows for sure. so I went to his event and I went as a VIP guest and it was question, answer time. And I raised my hand, but I put it back down because it got shy. And somebody about middle row, he raised his hand. And when Kirk said, yes, sir, he said, the lady on the end, there has a question for you. And I'm like, oh no, you just put me on this spot here. But I said are you gonna have another Seabers reunion? And he said, we're talking about it. And I said I just want you to know that I was a very big fan of yours. And I wrote you a letter and asked you for your autograph. And I gave you three months and you didn't send me a letter or an autograph, and you just broke my heart. And I tore all your posters that I had all over my room down. And he said, I'm so sorry, I'll make that up to you tonight. And I thought. Okay. We'll see about that, okay. It came picture time and I was just sitting in my wheelchair at the first row and everybody was going up on stage and getting their pictures taken. And the guy that raised his hand, he came over to me with another fella, said, you want us to put your St military on stage? And I. You don't have to do that. I was just gonna wait for him to finish and see if he'd take it with me down here. They said, no, we'll put you on stage. So they put me on stage in front of them. And when it came times for me to get mine done, I gave Kirk a bracelet that said to fit msa.org. And he asked me, I said, is that what you have? And I said, yes. And it is terminal. He, I said, will you help me out of my wheelchair to take my picture with you? Cause I don't wanna take it in the wheelchair. And he said, can you stand? And I said, if you hold onto me, so he grabbed both my hands. He helped me up and I had the death grip on him and smile like of starstruck teenager, got my picture taken and then after the event he said, I wanna talk to you some more after the event. I said, okay, after the event, I asked the security guard. I said, can you get him to so he can sign my ticket? And he said, yes, he wants to talk to you anyway. And we were outside and it was dark. So he went and got Kirk and he came over and he said, I wanna pray for it. So he got on his knees and held both my hands and he prayed for me. And I told him about that vision that I had. He said how do you plan on sharing your story? I said, I really don't know. He said, I think you should write a book. I said I've only wrote a poem my whole life. I don't, I'm not a writer. He said, you ask God to give you the words and he will do it. And I'm, here's my email address. I want you to keep me updated on the book progress. So I said, okay. And the next day, this was in October. The next day I just started. I prayed God, gimme the words to write. And they just started flowing. I devoted about three to four hours a day on writing and keeping Kirk updated. January 23rd, I was finished writing and I wrote him back and I said, okay, I'm finished. He said, send me your manuscript. I would love to read it. So I sent him the manuscript and a week later he sent me a forward and it was published March the seventh of 2022. So Kirk was my motivation to write the book and God put him in my path. I hope such a believer of that.

AO: 25:09

But also Daisy, you did this, you sat down and you wrote the words because. This is your life. It's your story? It's your journey. So. I just also Just wanting you to give yourself credit for what you did

Daisy: 25:28

Yeah. Yeah, I do. But I didn't know how I was supposed to share that story. I didn't know it was by book, I thought maybe a testimony or, I wasn't really sure. And that's what I want. That is what my main focus is about with the book is that people will read it. And if they have been through the circumstances that they feel that they can't share to know that God is with them. And it was by God's grace, that he pulled me through to be able to, and wanted me to share this story, to help others, to be able to do just that. And the one thing that, and I'm sure since you've read my book, you've read Kirks for that. He wrote already.

AO: 26:14

I did. And it was so lovely.

Daisy: 26:17

It was beautiful. Isn't it? Even that alone tears me up when I read it still, but that right there, it tells what my book is to do. I believe.

AO: 26:27

You are extremely gentle. And. I thought that when we exchanged emails before we spoke, I thought to myself, she's so gentle. And I don't believe it's because of the. MSA. I don't think it's because of. The condition that you've got. I don't know why. I imagine that you've always just been quite gentle

Daisy: 26:47

my motto has always been treat others how you would wanna be treated, the golden rule. And even in business, I was the manager, most of my work experience, and I treated my employees how I would wanna be treated if they were my managers, so I've always treated people how I wanna be treated. I've tried to raise my kids to do the same thing, and they are the most generous. I couldn't be more proud of them. All three of them have turned out to be so great. I'm so proud of them all after what they've seen and witnessed their, and their lives of abuse that their father pushed on me. They are just the same general generous, great adults now.

AO: 27:28

Have they read the book?

Daisy: 27:29

My daughter's having my son. He is trying to read it. He's in the air force. And so when he goes off and he's on alerts he wants to read it. Then he says, because he wants people, they always read books. He said he wants people to see him read and be like, what are you reading? So he can share it, get them to buy it. He's trying to be a little advertisement guy for me. don't say little advertisement, he's six foot five. So not so little.

AO: 27:53

You've been free with so much. And not just your mom and then finding out. That your step-mom. Wasn't your biological mom and then your brother. And I know you briefly touched upon. The father of your children. And I know you went through that and I know there's other things you've been through. So much. And I don't know. I'm just going to ask you and I don't know if it's right to ask you or not. But. Despite all the traumatic events you've experienced. Would you say that the. The goods, the positive. the light has outweighed the bad and the darkness

Daisy: 28:30

I've never really thought about that. I would say it kind of balance this because I've had a lot of bad, but I've had a lot of good too, but I think they're equal actually, honestly. And the peace that I have is knowing now that I've done what God wanted me to do by sharing my story. And I've been, since I wrote the book, I have found my brother is being indicted for sexual misconduct with a youth group. He was a youth minister

AO: 29:00

I try and have this thing with guests where. I don't ever really like to ask about anyone else in their story that didn't have a positive impact on their life. because. I don't want to take it away from being your story. So I wasn't going to ask about him

Daisy: 29:19

it's okay. I'll tell you. I even reached out to his ex-wife to try to find him, cuz I haven't. Of course we haven't spoken since my my grandmother's death and before my grandmother's death, we hadn't spoken since my father's death. We haven't spoken most of our lives. Okay. But I reached out to his ex-wife to let her to tell him since they were still in communication, that I was terminally ill and that I forgave him. And I just wanted him to know about my health condition. He did reach out to me on Facebook messenger, but it was a very ugly, nasty saying you lost your brother many years ago. I will always love your children and will be there for them. But. I don't even know if you know where you're going because you have ruined my life. And I was thinking, I've ruined your life. What about my life? You've ruined my life mentally, which made it physically as well. And I just didn't even respond. That's when I just, I gave it to God. I said, God, I forgive him. I give this to you. This is in your hands. And I know God says, vengance is mine and he will, there will be justice from God. He will have to repent one day. He will have to ask God for forgiveness, it wasn't only his youth group. He actually in the nineties, I was reached out by his stepdaughter's real father and he wanted to know if I would testify against my brother, because he had molested his daughter, his own stepdaughter. And I was like, yeah, I'll be more than happy to help testify. I'm so sorry. This happened to your daughter too. And I want to help, justice be served and keep him from doing this to other children. I didn't hear anything. I didn't get subpoenaed to court. And his stepdaughter reached out to me one day and said, will I call her on from Facebook? And so I called her and immediately I said, what has he done? And she said, how do you know that? And I said, it's just a feeling I have. And she said, he molested my daughter, his step granddaughter. And I was like, oh my gosh, he's still at it. And she said why didn't you show up for court to testify against him at my trial? I said, I didn't know, you went to court, I didn't get subpoenaed or anything. And she said, we thought he threatened you. And that's why you didn't come. And it was overthrown from not enough evidence. And I was like, they said, if you would've testified, then he probably would've went to jail. And I was like, oh no, I feel so responsible, but I never received any kind of thing, any information from the courts. So I would've definitely been there. I promise you that.

AO: 32:15

Sometimes I'm told that I really shouldn't put in any personal opinion and I really try not to. But this time, I'm going to say. And I don't like saying things that are negative. Or a mean because then it hurts my soul and I feel bad. but I hate him. And I've said it and Nope, didn't hurt my soul at all. I feel fine that I said that. My mum, always. You say don't ever say you hate anyone. And I'm sorry. Whilst also not being, sorry. I hate that you reached out. To say. You don't have long left. And that was his response. I hate him. And for everything that he. Is also done. And my sister-in-law would say. Because she's a Christian and she would say, No, God will judge him. And whilst I'm not a Christian. I also know that. Christians believe in heaven. And hell. And get judged by God at the end. I believe that's correct. So. Nothing good will happen for him. And when his time comes because the one certainty that we all do have is that you that we all do have is that at some point. We will die. No, he's not going to go to. The good place.

Daisy: 33:38

That's exactly how I feel. And he will be judged by the most highest majestic judge there is in all the world and it won't be nice. It won't be nice at all.

AO: 33:50

I know that you must hear this so often. But you been through so much. More than anyone should have to experience in a life. And. I don't know, there's nothing that anyone can say or do that is going to make it better. And. That's so unfair. this is what I struggle with. I struggle with how someone like you can have to endure so much really horrible stuff happens to good people. And that makes me really sad. And I'm so sorry.

Daisy: 34:25

yeah, I'm referred to a lot by the diamond in the rough, but I know that, because of my condition, I feel like I went through things I did to help me be strong enough to make it through this. Because it's very painful. It's very depressing, and frustrating to know that, just a couple years ago, I could do things that I can't do now. Or like I used to be able to walk 11 flights of stairs and three, three times a day and walk the beach and do yoga every day. You know what, and I've lost the ability to do those things much less walk, brush my hair, wash my hair, give myself baths and things like that. So I feel that if there was one thing I could change, it would be to go back and not take for granted. The things that I could do and be happy about that and be thankful for that. Like even just walking, not being able to walk normally or without assistance now, it's just, you feel like a burden, you know what I'm saying?

AO: 35:40

I don't think for one second, your husband and your daughter, because I know that. She comes in to help. I can't imagine. either of them. I would ever think of you as a burden.

Daisy: 35:51

No. And they tell me they, they don't and they would never, but you still do. You can't help. That's how you feel. That's the only bad thing about the situation is the emotional feelings that you get from the disorder. And that's also another symptoms is emotional outbursts. So I have those every now and then, and I feel so bad for my husband, that he has to put up with them and deal with them, but he does it. He only complains when he is half to sleep and I have to wake him up in the middle of the night to help me do something. But he doesn't know it because he is, not fully awake. That's the only time he complains.

AO: 36:32

I guess he does it because he loves you. And in life that is the main thing that we all want to have. We all want someone who. Loves us loves us enough to. Be with us when. It's good and be with us when. It's not so good

Daisy: 36:52

yeah. I've told him many times to put me in a nursing home and he was like, no, I'm like, you didn't sign up for this. You know what he says? He says, yes, I did. I said in sickness and in health and I meant it and the bad There's been times even with the diagnosis and the disorder that I'll wanna end it sometimes, because I'm tired of the pain and the misery and everything that comes along with it. So instead of doing that, I pray to God, just take me home and stop the pain. The emotional and the physical pain. I can't take it anymore, but I wake up to another day and I've been, I haven't dreamed about heaven, two to three dreams a week. At first, I just finished my second book and it's called beyond heaven's gates. It is all the dreams that I've had about heaven. I feel that God's been giving me glimpses as he prepares his home for me to gimme more peace because each time I have a dream, I do get more peace. And I feel more at peace and I know that it's where I'm going. I'm gonna be healed, but it's not gonna be here on earth. That's gonna be up in heaven and I'm gonna have no more pain, no more sorrow and eternal life. Oh, I do have one question for you. The poem in the beginning of the book eternal love, what did you think about that?

AO: 38:29

Clearly I'm a emotional hot mess. So. It made me cry

Daisy: 38:35

I wrote that poem 20 years ago and had it published 20 years ago. That was the one I was. I never really got interested in writing, but that poem, it just came to me one night and I thought, I gotta put this on paper, and I turned it into poetry.com and it got published. So I didn't write anymore.

AO: 38:54

Honestly, I can't. Thank you. Enough Thank you so much, Daisy. Thank you.

Daisy: 39:01

It's really been a pleasure to meet you. I feel that God put you in my path for a reason too. I don't believe in coincidences. And it's truly been an honor to be here on your show today, and God bless you. Thank you.

AO: 39:17

Thank you for listening I've put link in the show notes of where you can get Daisy's book from unexpected moments. I got a copy from Amazon for my kindle. Yes. I feel like I just keep trying to. Randomly. Plug Kindle books, even though it wasn't until recently that I realized Kindle was still, quite a big thing out there. Any hoo because it's for Daisy. The first person who gets in contact via my website chataholic.me I'd like to send a copy of Daisy's book too, because that's just. One more person, that her book has gone to just to honor Daisy. Unexpected moments in honor of Daisy. Thank you. Bye And next episode I believe that I am. Less of a hot mess in that one. I think I'm less of a hot mess. I don't think there's any crying in that one We're good. So have a good day, have a good week. Thank you for listening. And if you did stay to the end, thank you so much. From me. And from Daisy also thank you.

Daisy: 40:33

I'll be in heaven forever, but I'll also have a part of me here on this earth forever in this book. And that was another thing that I like about it is that the book will be here forever and continue to inspire other people.