How do you come out of the care system and deal with rejection from those who are suppose to love and take care of you the most.
This episode I spoke to Law Loadholt the writer of Delinquency Of The mind, Articles to inspire: Physical and Mental important which is just one of the collection whereby he aims to help people stay inspired. Law was left in the Foster Care system as a child however, he has turned this experience into aiming to help others and not letting it define who is he.
Please note transcription accuracy may vary.
Music by - Neffex - don't want to let myself down
Neffex - A year go
Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify
Welcome to another episode of ChatAholic this episode, I spoke to law. You know, sometimes when it's raining outside. And you see that small bit of sunshine. And it just puts a smile on your face. And do you think. It's okay. Because. I can see the sun. This is me personally. This is what I think. And. That's basically what Law was like. So. Thank you for listening to another episode of ChatAholic
I didn't imagine my own personal story would help inspire so many lives, especially when it comes to mental health challenges, as well as me growing up in foster care.
Hi Law. I wanna say afternoon, but it's morning where you are. Thank you for joining me. I'm going to start by just asking you to share whatever you are happy sharing.
All right. Awesome. I am Law Lordholt . I am a transformational entertainer. As I like to call myself. I transform mind so people can transform their pockets. I am from Brooklyn, New York. Yes lets, big up Brooklyn, currently, I'm 33. I actually will be 34 November 27th. So I'm excited about that. Another journey around the sun, which is always great. I'm a speaker and an author, and I also do a bit of travel blogging as well.
Perfect. I sent Law a list of my questions and sometimes I send people questions and they don't read the questions, but Law actually read my questions, so I'm gonna start going through them. However, they may not be in any particular order. I'm just going to come out with things that sometimes I just wanna ask questions. I'm gonna ask a question, which is not actually on the list.
What's it like living in Brooklyn?
Yeah, I guess it's, I guess it's pretty exciting. You know what, it's interesting enough, yes, I do live in Brooklyn, but I spent most of my time in the city, so I kind of just sleep in Brooklyn, if you think about it. But, I went to school in Manhattan, which is the city. I've always worked in the city, so I think now I'm more starting to kinda. Hang out a little more in Brooklyn in my adulthood. But, I would say the city is more fast paced than Brooklyn isn't as fast paced, but it's still a great climate to kind of escape things, if any of that makes any sense.
No, it does. you are, the first person I've spoken to who's in that part of America. So is it worth visiting?
I think it is. the city is very exciting. I think a lot of people like the city because there's always fast paced, there's always something going on. The lights, um, generally the city kind of doesn't go to sleep until like four o'clock in the morning and then even then there might even be an after party somewhere that's gonna probably continue to maybe six.
So the city is just constantly, always moving, constantly, always busy. I think it is more exciting for outsiders. As opposed to people who are from here, sometimes I don't see as much excitement because I from here and I see more excitement when I actually leave and go to different states, different countries, and I appreciate their surroundings more than my own
Thank you. Okay. That's not the last time. I will deviate. that's really bad that I started early. Okay. I will get on. So, a bit about your background. why did you choose this particular career? what path led you to say, okay, do you know what, that's actually what I want to do.
I got to that conclusion, I think it was one day I was listening to Les Brown. Les Brown is, the number one, black American speaker here in the US. Really great. Person, actually one of my mentors in the industry as well, and I was listening to him and he helped me get through a lot of stuff, along with yoga and a couple other things with my mental health challenges.
But he was speaking in New Jersey and during this time I was still dealing with issues with my mental health challenge, which is agoraphobia panic disorder. But it was just something that kept on ringing in my head like, you gotta get there, you gotta get there. And during this time I was still fearful of traveling on public transportation, especially going to a different state that I'm not so much comfortable with.
Cause I'm not in control. I. Driving a vehicle myself, which would alleviate some of the anxiety. I had to depend on someone else to get there, but I just knew that I had to get there. And from that experience of me being there, it changed my life. It really pushed me forward in the industry. And I said, you know what?
I think this is something that I could do. I didn't imagine my own personal story would help inspire so many lives, especially when it comes to mental health challenges, as well as me growing up in foster care. And it just kept on going from there.
in my world. I still feel mid thirties is still quite young. you have gone through a lot. One of the things that I wanted to ask you was, Taking it back to when you were actually young, because you mentioned just now, and obviously I know that you were in foster care for a period.
why, were you in foster care and what was that experience like for you? And before you answer, I just want to make it clear, at no point in time is Law going say, this is representative of every single child who goes into foster care. This is, this is your experience of what it was like.
correct. 100%. This is my experience everyone's experience is different. This is just mine. I actually had two spouts in foster care. it started out. When I was younger, I think it was around the age, about three or what have you, when I was taken from my mother in placed into care, it had to do with some abuse and drugs and we were removed and I stayed in foster care
During that young period in time from my age, and then I was actually, giving back to my father, he would regained custody and he took care of me until about age eight and he decided that he wanted to release custody and he actually put us back into the system. And during this time, I didn't really have any connection with my mother, but luckily enough we did remember her name and they was able to actually reach out to her and say, Hey, look, your children are back into the system. Do you want to start building a relationship? start the journey of regaining custody for them as well. because her other children were in foster care as well, who she did have a relationship with, and she were trying to regain custody from them as well. in my head, all I'm thinking is, and I know it's, I don't know, is, it's unfair for me to ask you this question, but I can't ask your dad, so I'm going to ask you. What was going on, because I didn't know that, I wasn't going to ask any questions about him because I didn't know that, where was he in his life that he thought, okay, I'm now going to relinquish care and put you back into the foster care system.
He was going through some marital issues with his new wife and there was a period in time where I learned that we were actually, sleeping a lot of nights at his job, which, Being a child thinking about it, I didn't realize that that was going on. I think me and my brother both didn't realize we were just, you know, kids having fun. he was in, he was a custodian. At a high school and it was a massive high school and we would just running around and go into all the different classrooms and have fun and you know, we just think it as a game cuz we're children.
And then now actually hearing my father's experience in my adulthood, it really shed a different light on.
I was like, oh wow, I didn't know that you were having marital issues. That's why we were staying at the school late nights. That's why, we were getting to school late. we were tired all the time, which didn't really click. And, he thought it would be better for us to grow up if he relinquished his rights.
He thought we would have a better life. And in reality, when we did, reunite again, that was an experience. we actually had a really crappy experience of foster care. It wasn't better, but he wasn't aware.
what was it like there
What was it?
my own personal experience, wasn't the best I would say. I have been through a lot of different types of abuse, I went through, starvation. I did have some parents that did starve me. I had some parents who wouldn't buy me clothes, so I remember going to school in the same clothes.
Like literally I would go to bed, wake up in those clothes, and I had to ensure that I held onto those clothes cuz other children, you know, would take your clothes And you wouldn't have anything to go to school. yes, I was always clean physically, but I always wore the same clothes. a lot of yelling physical abuse, I've been through that, and then bouncing around from different homes. It was always a new home. And with that, you never know what you're gonna get from this person. Sometimes it was a decent experience and sometimes it wasn't. I've had other homes who it was a little better, you know, they actually fed me.
they gave me clothes, they actually taught me something. And then there were other ones that they didn't care. They was all about the cheque because. We were checked, we got a, the parents got a monthly cheque every month, and if the child was on medication, you get more money. So sometimes some of the parents will lie on you, try to drug the kids. And that was my personal experience
That's what I was gonna ask. Well, you answered because in, I know we're here in the United Kingdom, if you want to foster a child, you get money towards it. I didn't know whether it was the same in the United States, but obviously it is. And I appreciate if you are taking in a child, you then need to be able to. Obviously feed the children, buy them clothes. But I also, this is just my personal opinion,
adding money into it, It's a flaw in the system because you then get people who are from the outside looking like they're doing something good, but actually you are only doing it for the money.
for the money money. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yes. Which was my experience.
When you then reconnected, how did you reconnect with your mom? Was it. Was it gradual? Was it with open arms? What was that like for you?
So what happened was, what a lot of people don't know is when you're actually in the womb with your mother. You built this connection, this bond that never escape you. Right? So even though all these years that I didn't know who my mother was from when they first took me away from three, I didn't have any connection with her at all.
But I dreamt about my mother every single night. So I knew exactly what she looked like. Like you feel this connection that goes through in the umbilical cord that gives you everything from your mother. So you still have that. You'll always have. And I do remember my father did have somewhat a relationship with my aunt, which is her sister, and we went to visit her like a couple of weeks before, and She told us what our mother's name was and my brother and I, we both remember that name. So when we did get placed into, the foster care system and they asked us who our mother was, we was able to at least tell her name. And then the next time that I seen her was exactly what I was dreaming about. She was walking down the hallway. she had two additional children. Because there's this eight of us in total, she had two additional children, one in the stroller, and one that was walking on the outside of the stroller is what I was dreaming about for all these years, And funny enough, that's exactly how it was when I did see her. And from there we was able to, rebuild our relationship, start to learn each other again.
It definitely wasn't easy when she regained custody of us because, , I can remember my own personal self being on my own and having to teach myself everything. It's hard when someone comes back and tries to raise you again cuz it's just like, where was you then? You know? Like, I've done this, I've taught myself this, I've made it through this, I've made it through that. So for someone else to kind of interject and try to finish this, there was a bit of head button going on.
Was it a better life than what you had experienced in the foster care system?
100%. Yes. I'm still eternally grateful that my mom did come back and regain custody of all of us. Cause there was five of us that was in the foster care, system, and she regained custody of all five that was in the agency.
Okay. I asked you in my list of questions whether You got to a place of forgiveness with your mom, and now I'm going to ask about your dad. I think the answer is yes, you did, but how did you get to that place because that couldn't have been easy.
Definitely wasn't easy. I've gotten to that place and how I know that I forgave him. my father's actually no longer here, next month, December the sixth. We'll make it three years since he has left Earth. I actually took care of him until he died and that's how I knew in my heart I forgive him cuz it's kind of hard for you to treat or take care of a person that left you behind. if you truly haven't forgiven him, right? Because now he's in a position where he needs you, but he was never there for me. So why should I do that for you is what a lot of people would think of. but it takes true forgiveness to actually be able to take care of someone that was supposed to take care of you, that was supposed to look out for you, that was supposed to protect you, that wasn't there for you. And I still did
but how, because do you know why I'm, do you know why I'm asking? How? Cause I, I say this to quite a few people I speak to who not everyone in your position would've had the same attitude and approach. How, how did you get to a place of forgiveness to then actually look after him when he needed you?
I think what people don't understand is that forgiveness is for self, is not for the other person. You know, once you understand and grasp that, that it has to do with you solely, it has nothing to do with them. Whatever their transgressions are is on them, and that's for them to deal and work out. But if you don't forgive a person, then they have a hold over you and you can't move forward.
Okay. I agree with that, and I like that you said that.
And from releasing that, that's how I was able to forgive him, forgive my mom, forgive the people that have done whatever they have done to me in the past. And you just don't hold onto those emotions, those feelings. It's not easy. it's a daily progress. It's a something that you have to work toward, but the more you forgive it and let go, you become a better human.
I know that you mentioned. Being a better human. And it's a process. when we emailed, and I'm going to say when law sends an email, he starts his emails with Great Rising and it just is so cheerful and I really loved it. But you are big on affirmations. Affirmations are quite big for you.
Where and why did that come from knowing the importance of affirmations? I completely agree with you and I'm trying to convince people that actually daily affirmations actually can change your life. Why did you get to a stage where you realized that was actually important?
That was the way that I build myself back up because with my mental challenge, agoraphobia, which is a fear of people, places, and situations. I am tied into panic disorder within that. So I would have a panic attack at any moment. Doesn't matter what the situation was, I would just have extreme panic attacks and the daily affirmations, or as I call it, sweet nothings, is what I call it. It's a way of building up yourself as well as attracting the experiences that you want. Cause with the agoraphobia, I stayed trapped in my house for two years and I didn't leave. All that psychological, it's all inside of your brain and what you are creating inside of your head. And from those sweet nothings, I was able to build myself up to attract the things that I want.
And to understand that what I say here is what's gonna actually come. So saying that every single day and going into the marathon myself, that I can do this, I can step outside of the house, I can get on this train, I can get on a plane. I'm ok. I'm safe. , those things is what made me more comfortable with going back into the world, a couple years later. So it was important.
I dunno anything about agoraphobia, is it true that every phobia comes from a place? Is that, I dunno, is that true or is that not true
you mean when you say a place, do you mean like something in your youth or something?
Yes. So I have certain things and I know they, I have them due to my upbringing, for example.
I don't know how phobias, particularly, I know where mine come from. Where does your, where do you think your agoraphobia came from? Plus also, it's not something I really know much about, so I don't even want to pretend.
I'm still trying to figure out that aspect of it that I still don't know because I'm very much a social butterfly. So it was definitely a shock for me. It was a shock for my family, a shock for my friends. , the panic disorder aspect of it I have dealt with. So I remember growing up in Foster and one of the homes in particular, we were go into crowded spaces and I would just pass out often. So we would go to like amusement parks and stuff like that and then I would just kind of pass out. But the foster parents never took me to find out why I was going through these things or why I would have these episodes. They just made it seem like I was just, a scrawny little, no, nothing kid that just. It just passes out.
But in reality it was something, you know, actually going on. And I think that foreshadowed to me being 23 when I was having that experience again, with the agoraphobia that came about with a routine operation. I had a removal of my tonsils and adenoids. And I got severely sick after that operation and I had to be hospitalized. I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time, and then when I was actually permitted to leave the hospital, I noticed that I was very fearful from the outside world, from sounds to light to people like, and it just kept on going and going and going. and then I went to delirium cuz I wasn't asleep. I was so fearful of everything that I didn't sleep for maybe like a week or so.
And I went to like a really deep psychosis, which is a loss of reality, completely loss of reality. Didn't know if I was coming or going, didn't know anybody. And I was in that psychosis for about a couple of weeks and I had to be hospitalized again cause I would just wander off.
I would wind off and my mom, my stepfather, they would have to come and find me. And luckily enough in the neighborhood, you know, that I live in, people do know my family and know who I am. So they'll call and let know, Hey, look, Law is here. I don't know why he is not in the right mind. And it was just kind of like one thing after another.
But I do feel that the trauma that I experienced in my youth. Kind of flash forward into my adulthood where I was actually forced to deal with it, and in my youth, I didn't deal with it because no one took me to find out what was going on with me, so I had to bury it.
have you ever spoken to anyone in the medical profession about it? Is there, I don't know. Other than you looking inwards, because I feel like, I don't know, I'm assuming from speaking to you, but I feel like you are a person who looks inwards.
yes, so I did do therapy for many years. I was on medication as well for, many years to help me to cope with and be able to go back into the world. And from that experience, I think it, it did help a lot cuz it helped me to get back into it. But the inwardness, I think helped even more. , but it was a starting point. The outward experience was a starting point.
Okay, because you are big on looking inside, aren't you?
Yeah, definitely. I believe hundred percent and there's something here a lot of times, and I think we forget about that. We tend to always look outward. Yes, there are moments where you have to, but a lot of the things that we face as humans, I think starts ininward
You are still a human being, so you have bad days, you must have bad days. So I'm gonna ask just out of curiosity, when you have those bad days, what do you do?
I start by not calling them bad days. I'll call them character building days. Their character building days. Why? Because if you go with the bath, then you're kind of stuck there. And I think if we just flip it around and look at it as, there's a lesson in this, what is the lesson that I'm supposed to gain from this?
Yes, this person is really pissing me off, just really getting underneath my kidneys in this moment, but how can I take and flip that situation to actually work for me or to gain the lesson that comes. I think, you don't sit in that as long as we, or as long as I would have.
Okay. Honestly, I am really here for positive energy and you are all about positive energy and I love it. I'm really here for it.
So getting to a mindset where you can see past that, I have to say credit to you for that through everything that you've been through and living in the world that we live in.
Exactly. I think with going through what I went through and for so much to be taken from me when I worked so hard to obtain these things, that's what changed my outlook on life. You know, that's when I started to look at things, differently and to know that some things that we think is so big or affects us so much, it really shouldn't.
I'm able to release it, you know, again, and it's, and it's a daily practice. I didn't, I, this didn't happen overnight. It's a daily practice. You decide on who you want to be and, and what you want to give out.
Okay, so perfect cuz now I can move to, would you tell me, you've already told me, but just tell the listeners what is C D L C D L. What it stands for and what it means to you and why it's something that you are all about. Please tell me. I'd never heard of it before. make it up?
yes and no. So it's a play on words here in the US they do have a manual call, a cdl, which is a, commercial driver's license or what have you, that you can get. That means you can drive trucks or auto buses and stuff like that. But I always thought it was a really, really cool term. And then I came up with this whole idea of choice driven life, right? Our choices. Is what drives us to do the things that we do, right? So cdl, choice Driven Life, become the commercial driver of your life is my flagship book. It is a 30 day manual of helping you to release any pitfalls in your life. Just becoming a better human and really attracting what it is that you want for your life is, is what?
Okay. So when you say pitfalls, what do you mean by pitfalls? what might be a pitfall for me will not necessarily be the same for someone else. So what do you mean by pitfalls?
I think pitfalls can vary on the person. when I think of pitfall, I think of maybe the things that you are struggling with or the things that are holding you back that you feel like you, you can't release or you can't move past. That's what I look at the pitfalls because. you end up falling into it and then you have a difficult time kind of climbing out it.
Right? So if we can build something over it so you don't fall and stay into that place, that's the whole basis of the book.
Okay. I like that. If people want to buy the book, where would they get the book from?
You can find CDL Choice Driven Life on walmart.com. Choice Driven Life Life is you can type in, you'll find that or you can also type in my first and last name, Law Lordholt, and you can find it on walmart.com.
Perfect. Thank you.
So I'm all about trying to promote positivity because I don't feel like there's enough day-to-day that people are grateful for. All people realize there's so many things that we can be positive about and to actually read your book and. For it to give guidance on how to not dwell in how you are feeling. Surely that's got to be, that's got to be a good thing for people I
I believe so, a hundred percent. Especially in the climate which we end. We for instance, covid, right? How much it has taken away from people and what it has done. I think people are trying to return to a sense of normalcy and, they're trying to figure out. that journey and just being positive about everything because it has taken so much from us, you know.
I agree. I don't know what. It's like in America coming out of Covid. I know that someone said when they've come to the United Kingdom, it's almost as if Covid never happened. I, I feel like we probably came out of it quite a bit before because now we just walk around like it never happened.
Yeah. Cause it's
that's, I'm not saying that's okay. I'm just saying that that's how we are living our lives, right? Yeah. It never happened.
I dunno, I think that might be, maybe that might be a good thing. Cause it's still, I think it's still affecting us here in the us. I don't think people have fully moved past it the, they're still, I guess, alarmed by it. And then I think the, the funny aspect of. There's a lot of things that we should have been doing as a human, like washing and being cleanly. Now it's brought to the forefront and it's just like, so you wasn't really doing?
Sorry. No, it's
true because I'm just like, no, because it is funny. Okay. Wash your hands. Okay. Come on, people. Were we not all washing our hands before? Because that's very concerning to me that.
Everyone was just going out, living their lives and coming home, and no one felt the need to wash their hands with soap and water.
It's very confusing to me. So
And even in us, I think about like the train system, right? For instance, and we know the train system here can go either way, but it's not always the most cleanliness place. Like they actually, for the first time in history, like down the train systems, think it was like, like one or two in the morning and they actually did a deep cleaning every single night for about two years. You just, you think about it, you're just like, so why Y'all wasn't deep cleaning the train system before and now that covid isn't really a big thing, that deep cleaning went away.
Sorry. It is only reason I'm smiling is I don't get on the, I don't get on the underground that often and because I'm going to be honest and I'm really sorry to people who do, it's disgusting. It's so disgusting, and people are so close to you. And I don't understand why no one feels a need to actually clean the underground more often.
I don't understand. Right. So about this stage and yes, I know it's getting very annoying. It's annoying me. I don't know what's going on with myself, where. Technical issues. Trying to get it sorted out.
At this point, I asked law about. Him traveling because he likes to travel quite a bit. So I asked him, where does he like to go? Has he been anywhere where he would say. He was living his best life. You know, when you go on holiday somewhere. And you just feel.
Just calm and centered. And law unsurprisingly. Answered with. No. Because in those worlds. You're living your best life, wherever you are.
He said every place that he likes to go to. It's because of the culture you're seeing how other people live and what they do. And for him, that's what makes the experience.
And he said something that I really liked, which was whether you're on holiday or whether you're at home. You can still create happiness no matter what the situation is.
And. Only two more. And this is a condensed version. also asked him about being part of two minority groups
And then he did say which I'm really hoping, but I actually get it to get it in.
What are you a good person? It's not about who you be with, it's about how you treat. And from that, Pulled me into the beautiful human that I am, and it gave me strength to continue both and not be ashamed of who I am and to show other men that they can do that as well. Just be authentically.
I asked what was next for him. And he said, He has thirty E eBooks. And. Some of them that you get to learn. A little bit more about that journey through the books. Which you can find on Amazon, it's called Delinquency of the Articles link with and see of the articles. So I will put the link for that on that as well. And he said. It helps motivate people that you can actually print out, put it on your vision wall or your vision board. But each ebook has a topic.
But I am going to finish with. Law said to me about being. 📍 A beautiful person. On the inside. And.
He is, he's just so. Positive and. wants to spread that positivity, that basically is his aim is to spread to. Positivity. And to try and help people who may have gone through similar situations that he's gone through. And I feel so bad because. We recorded this episode in November and it's taken me this long to actually put it out there.
I hope that I did him justice. And I. Don't need to be convinced. I have no doubt that whatever he does go on to do. Whatever he wants to achieve. He will And that's it. Thank you for listening to another episode of ChatAholic.
What I want to show people Mental health challenge, right? I could have been disabled and collected check on the rest of my life.