Dear Diabetes: with hindsight, we should have been better

This episode it is just me!

My first real solo episode where I introduce my story, my journey.  This episode is about Diabetes complications and my experience. There are some stats as always and mainly just exploring life in 2007 when if I had know better I would have done better to help the person I loved the most.

Eight in Ten people are walking around with Prediabetes please look at the show notes if you or someone you know needs support.

Please note transcription accuracy may vary.

Music by - Neffex - don't want to let myself down 
Neffex - A year go

Visit These Links  If you or someone you need is at risk, please seek support using the resources below and for resources.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/prediabetes/symptoms-causes/syc-20355278
https://wisevoter.com/country-rankings/cost-of-insulin-by-country/
https://diabetes.org/blog/history-wonderful-thing-we-call-insulin
https://www.diabetes.co.uk/cost-of-diabetes.html
https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/cost-of-insulin-by-country
https://time.com/4585752/states-diabetes-ranking/
https://www.diabetes.org.uk/guide-to-diabetes/emotions/diabetes-burnout
https://beyondtype1.org/diabetes-podcasts/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZAjVQWbMlE

Transcript

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In hindsight, what I learned from my experience is that my mom didn't know anything about diabetes and neither did I, and for a really long time if I had told her not to go, then maybe she wouldn't have passed away over there and then as the years went on what I got from that experience, not straight away, It took a few years for me to realize that. I'm always going to feel guilt. Because I didn't tell her not to go, and actually in hindsight now it's changed. My guilt is less, not telling her not to go a more, not helping her understand her condition and me not understanding. Her condition. I wish I'd educated myself more and then I could have helped her and educated her on it I will, never be okay with that. I didn't get to say goodbye to her that I, when every single instinct and higher power in me wanted to call her and say, I love you, and I didn't because you always have. tomorrow, What if I had have just picked up the phone and just said, I love you? Welcome to another episode of ChatAholic. This episode I'm talking about. Diabetes I just wanted to do a solo episode of which I will explain why as we go on. according to an article published on the 18th of January, 2017, diabetes is. Another epidemic because I figured, I seem to be talking about epidemics quite a bit recently, so we should probably talk about diabetes because apparently diabetes is likely to be the highest epidemic in human history and. The rise of type two diabetes is rising globally every year So I wanted to do a solo episode because when I have spoken to some guests and they've said to me, well, What's your story? Everyone has a story and I thought, well, I don't have a story like Harriets or like Cammie or Lora's, I just didn't really see what the worth was in me sharing anything, and I have tried to maintain that. I don't want this podcast to be about me. I want it to be about these remarkable people who come on and share their stories, their journeys with me, however, It did occur to me that I'm asking people to come on and share something that has shaped them and made them who they are now and given them a purpose. I don't want to be a hypocrite that asks these people to come on, share their stories, which is hard for them, When I thought to myself, it's around health and whilst I'm definitely not a medical expert, I realized that. I could share with the people who were listening to be less anonymous and share a bit about me. my name is Ad and I live in the United Kingdom I wanted to just speak about my journey and something that has. Shaped me to realize that I could maybe inspire a person who may be going through or have been through a similar situation, to let them know that in your darkest moments, you can still see a glimpse of a rainbow. recently my brother had to go to see his doctor because he went for a health check. And one of the things that flagged up on his health check was diabetes and. when I found that out, and they weren't saying he had diabetes, it was just they did the test. The doctor wanted him to come back because he had some concerns. But the second I heard that, and I definitely didn't say this to him, but I felt myself shutting down. You know, sometimes when you feel anxious and I don't know about people listening, but when I feel anxious, it's physical. I can feel it in my body and. I just felt myself shutting down. I felt my body just tense up When someone tells me bad news, I struggle to find a place of equanimity. So the reason I shut down when I heard this was just a little bit of a, Statistic the most common types of diabetes, well, the ones that most people know of are type one. Type two and gestational diabetes, which happens to pregnant ladies. Type two is by far the most common type of diabetes, and there's various factors that influence it. It is partly hereditary. It can be lifestyle. According to the statistics, people who are. Overweight are more likely to get diabetes. And if there's anyone asking what is diabetes? Diabetes is basically when the glucose slash the sugar in your blood is too high and your body isn't producing enough insulin to help fight it off. We need some glucose going into our cells. We, that's a natural fact, but if it's too high, then. It can lead to a long list of complex health conditions, which I won't go into. I've put links in the show notes and I've put a YouTube video. I think it's only about two minutes that explains what diabetes is for people who are wondering, or people who want to know more. So I'm not going to go in too much, I'm just going to. I was going to tell my story and my experience with diabetes in 2007 my mum kept on saying to me that she was really, really thirsty and. I said to her, I think you probably should go to the doctor. If you are thirsty all the time and you're drinking loads of water, you should go to the doctor and the reason you should go to the doctor is, I don't know, it might be nothing. Or you could have diabetes. And when I said it, I didn't think anything more of it. So she went to the doctor. Bearing in mind, I'm going back to 2007 and things have changed a lot since then. Is there a cure for diabetes? No. Do some people still struggle to manage it? Yes. But have we got better? There is a health inequality when it comes to diabetes. these are the countries where insulin costs the most So United States of America. I'm not gonna say anything at all. Why America? Why? Why? Why Chile, Mexico, Japan, Switzerland, Canada. going to stop on Canada and the reason I stopped on Canada is because I'm sure when I was doing my research, Canada, you founded insulin. Why is it so expensive? Why are you on that list? Why are you on that list? When insulin was discovered at the University of Toronto, Shame on you. which in my personal opinion is extremely unfair because no one chooses to have diabetes. No one wants a condition that yes, it can be managed. Depending again, on where you live, but equally, it can rule your life. So for example, in United Kingdom where I live, If you need to have insulin, you can get that for free from the NHS National Health Service. Anyhow, I digress. So my mom went to a doctor, the doctor said, no, you are fine. There's nothing wrong. and that was it. And then, I don't know, maybe a couple of weeks later she came back and said, do you know what? I still feel really thirsty all the time. Like I feel dehydrated and I'm going to toilet a lot. And I said, okay, do not, you're gonna have to go back to Doctor. I'm more than happy to come with you, but just ask him to do a diabetes test on you. I can only speak for the United Kingdom. now you can even go into your pharmacy to do a test for diabetes. So it's a lot more accessible and available. I can only speak for the United Kingdom. I dunno about anywhere else. And. So she went, she came home and said, okay, well he did a test and I have diabetes. I am so, I'm ashamed of myself because I shut off. Rather than saying to her, okay, let me research, let me see what we can do. Let's see what the options are. I didn't do any of that. So a few weeks later, she came home with, Insulin and also some tablets, and she said, well, I'm gonna have to test my blood sugar levels, and. Rather than being, okay. Well, I can, I'm so sorry. rather than me saying, okay, well I can help you with that. I, I didn't because I just thought, I don't know if I can handle that instead of. Having the attitude of, this isn't about me, this is about her, and considering what she was going through, I didn't think that, I didn't because looking into it and having to prick her with the needle for her to test her blood sugar level. I wasn't able to cope. life continued as normal. And I say this, but I don't know if life continued as normal for her so towards the end of the year. My mom said one of her friends who lived abroad is having a party and she wanted to go and I dunno if anyone can relate to this and it sounds so stupid I guess people who believe in a higher power, whatever that higher power is. And then when she said she was going, and I kept on thinking, I think this is a bad idea. I don't want her to go. I did not need my mom to stay at home and not travel abroad. I just sensed. There was just something to me that was saying it was a bad idea, I remember when she had to check in and the lady in the check-in, and it wasn't the lady's fault because she didn't know. And she was asking her, well, you've got all these tablets. What are all these tablets for? And you've got this and you've got this, and you've got this. And then I remember saying to lady, she doesn't know. this is the first time she's traveled and had to bring all this medication with her. just be gentle. And so we got through that. She checked in and. We said, oh, goodbyes. And then I thought to myself, she'll be back in about a month and yeah, that was it. And then she couldn't have been gone for that long. Um, I don't think it was a week and. I kept on thinking to myself, cause I had the number of where she was staying. I should call her and check in. I should call her I called her friend, and her friend said to me, oh, um, she's not here at the moment. And I said, okay, well, I'll, um, call back. I didn't call on the first day that she'd arrived. I'm sure it must have been the second or the third day. And then I called her other friend and he said, and he said to me, oh, you should have called yesterday. Why didn't you call yesterday? And I thought, okay, well, That's weird and I think something's wrong. And I remember saying to my partner at the time, I think something's wrong because it's just weird. Something's wrong, At some point the following day, someone called me I can't remember who it was to say that, um, my mom had died in her sleep. She'd fallen asleep and she hadn't woken up because in short, she went into. She went into a coma and I guess by the time her friend went to wake her, she, she didn't wake up I just wanted to share, because type two diabetes is common and the scary thing about diabetes that I didn't know is, and this is not just in United Kingdom. 8 in 10 people have pre-diabetes, which means they don't even know they've got diabetes and they're just walking around with this without actually being aware. And that's scary. That's That's scary that because it's not like it was when my mom passed away. You can actually. Get help now you can get medical advice on weight management, what you could eat, exercise plans. And I guess I wanted to do this to one, to say that this was, part of. My journey where I had to look at who I was then and look at who I am now. And also I wanted to share for two reasons. One reason that diabetes is also an epidemic, and I didn't know it was a health epidemic because I guess I never. Wanted to really look into it because it was a bit too close to home for me. I just want people to know that when my mom died, I thought, well, this is as bad as it gets. nothing's ever gonna hurt more than this hurt And actually that wasn't true since then. Other people that I've loved to have passed away or cared about, And yes, when something awful happens, like when someone dies, it hurts and I feel like it changes you, it, it changes you, or you are not necessarily broken. You are just, you're just different. Maybe they're not the same person they were before, and. I'm so lucky. I had my mom for many years, and I used to wonder would I be different if she hadn't have died? And yes, I probably would. because I went through this experience. But in the end, I guess every painful experience you go through makes you who you are and helps you reflect, and in the end, I'm extremely grateful that I knew her and she wasn't meant to be perfect because she wasn't perfect. She was just meant to be her. Perfectly imperfect, In the end, she died because of a diabetic coma. And I do think, and I'll never know that if she was in the United Kingdom, Would her chance of survival have been higher? Yes, I do think so. And do I also think that if she had been more aware on what to eat, what not to eat, that also would've helped. If I'd have known, then I could have told her, these are all the things that go through your head. But she wasn't in pain and she went to bed and didn't wake up and. This is what I've been told for however, many years. And if that's not the case, then I don't want to know. I like that version of the story. It gives me comfort. I think we need to maybe be kind to ourselves and to those that we love, and we also need to be kind to. The people that we interact with, the people we interact with when we go to shops, the people we interact with just in passing, because we never know what's going on with someone else. We never know what's going on in someone else's life, in someone's head, and most of the time, I believe that whatever feelings that I experience, because we are all human beings, there must be some shared consciousness that other people have experienced sadness and remorse also. Thank you for listening to another episode of ChatAholic, I'm grateful for you as listeners. Thank you. Thank you,