Unraveling the Complex Web of Addiction: A Journey to Recovery

This episode Bunmi kindly joined me to talk about addition and her personal journey.

We discussed how addiction is a complex issue with both physiological and psychological components and the neuroscience behind addiction and how it changes a person's brain and behavior.


Please note transcription accuracy may vary.

Music by - Neffex - don't want to let myself down
Neffex - A year go


https://www.thefoodaddictioncoach.co.uk/
https://www.instagram.com/thefoodaddictioncoach/
https://www.facebook.com/drbunmiaboaba/?locale=en_GB
https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/uk-news/former-dentist-who-struggled-emotional-22368203
https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/
https://www.aa.org/
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/323465
https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/09/19/addiction-foods-hyperpalatable-tobacco/

Transcript

Ad: 0:00

Hi Hi Hi Hi! welcome to another episode of Their Story, Their Voice. This episode, I speak to a lady called Bummi who It's literally, like the show is called, this is her story told by her and the reason Why she chose to set up her business as a food addiction coach. What led her to want to start a business as a food addiction coach. As always, love listening to her and you'll be glad to know I kept my talking to an absolute minimum. So thank you for joining and I hope you enjoy it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Hi, how are you?

Bunmi: 0:53

I'm very good. Thank you. How are you, my lovely?

Ad: 0:55

I am great. So I'm going to start, not going to draw it out. Would you just tell me a bit about you, your name, what you do, and why you're trying to spread a message and what message would that be?

Bunmi: 1:15

Right, my name is Dr. Bumi Abuaba and at the moment I'm living in Leeds. I've just moved back up from London after 30 odd years, and back to family and looking after my mum and dad. And yeah, it's been a real journey for me. I'm nearly 60 and I've had a journey of, a real journey of discovery, a real journey of discovery from Being at rock bottom to absolutely thriving and gaining sovereignty of my own life, knowing myself, having more awareness around myself and living life, the way I want to be. I'll tell you a bit about myself. I'm Nigerian background, brought up in Leeds, as you know, two very strict Nigerian parents and everything. And it was education, education, education. Did very, very well, very well, but, I kind of was moved towards school, which was to get me a better education. We lived in a very high ethnic community where, really, the expectations of teachers you know, towards peoples like myself. their expectations wasn't high. My father recognised that immediately, very quickly, and worked really, really hard, me and my mum, to move into an area which would give me a better education. And for me, it was a middle school that was predominantly, it was all white. I was the only black child. And I remember going mid term, kind of half term in February, and I just remember walking into the school with my father and people looking, people giggling, they'd been introduced in my classroom. I'm just going into a school where I was, yeah, I stood out like a sore thumb for many. It's never seen a black person before, so it's very much mixed reactions. And I was always very wary right from the start. I remember being introduced at school, by my teacher and could not pronounce my name for love of the money. And it was just a source of hilarity every single time, every single time. But I just remember being on the outside looking in and, getting bullied when I was going home from school, kids throwing stones at me. So. That's when I felt very, very different. I felt very different. I felt like a square peg in a round hole. I didn't fit in anywhere. I don't want to be at the school. And you get on with it. Proper hardcore Nigerian parents, you go back there and make sure you do well. Don't care about everybody else. You stand up, you're proud of yourself, everything else. They were brilliant in that respect. Had to do really well. From that time, I just felt very different and uncomfortable. Walking to school was uncomfortable. Just, I felt like I was on a state of high alert, and many today call that a dress that is like trauma. the minute I stepped out of my house, I was just dreading it. People looking at me. Even my mum, sent me to the shops. I felt very aware of myself. and how different I was. I wasn't at that age where, I think I was about nine, ten, where I just didn't have that confidence. I didn't have the tools. so when racist comments were made, I couldn't kind of fight back, you know, I couldn't fight back. the time went back up by and education did suffer a little bit because I was too busy kind of fighting my corner and then just one particular day I Enough was enough And the biggest bully in the school tried to you know, say the n word. He did say the n word and then All hell broke loose. I was not going to let this go down like this. And he went down, not me. And, and I remember the teachers looking at me saying sticks and stones. And I said, sticks and stones, but I don't think so. I really, that's the first time I found my voice. then I became a real rebel and everybody completely respected me. Then I started to flourish at school, do really well, but I also have this underlying dis ease and I don't like not feeling comfortable with the world and life on life's terms. And my parents aren't big drinkers at all. They would have it for like, you know, Christmas.

Ad: 5:53

You have your own family now. So did your kids have any issues when they went to school?

Bunmi: 6:02

Life is very different. I moved down to London. I was in London at the time when I had my children. So they were brought up in a very mixed, much more mixed, more cosmopolitan environment. And if ever anything like that did turn up, it was very, very rare. But I taught them to, yeah, stand up for themselves. but they've never really kind of had that experience. when they did and the times they did, they would stand up for themselves. And I've always taught them that you just be strong, you be strong, you don't back down. that's the way of the world. When I was brought up, I was a token black, so it was just constant, it was constant. I'm sure there are many children, that go to school still in predominantly white areas and may experience the same, you know, as what I experienced. But in what you say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And it did make me stronger in many ways, but also made me feel that I had to hide my vulnerability. and that's something that I was always brought up to hide anyways, don't trust anybody, you know, you stand up for yourself, don't show anybody your weakness. And in many ways, looking back, I mean, at the time it was necessary, but then going through life, I had to be this strong black woman, this strong black woman who can cope with everything and not show any weakness, not show cracks. And that was. really my, I think my downfall, in the end. it was double edged sword, but it was a blessing as well. So, you know, when I could actually finally kind of open up and talk about, what was going on for me with, because by this time, I was drinking, drinking made me feel stronger. It made me feel more confident. I remember having my first drink. Um, as I said, my parents aren't drinkers at all, but they'd have it for Christmas and a birthday. It was the odd occasion. and I remember being introduced it at the age of 12, and it was a little glass of Cinzano Bianco at Christmas, and I just felt amazing. I felt different. It was like the sun came out. I was Bunmi, this is the real Bunmi, and it was almost like a switch for me. And, for me, it was almost like it was my medicine. It was something that made me feel okay. It changed the way I felt about myself and about the world. And this was roughly about the time when I was very vulnerable at school. So, that was my first taste. It wasn't something that I'd latched on to straight away, but I always knew in the back of my mind, if I didn't feel right, I could have that little drink. And as I grew up, it was always worked hard or studied hard when I got into my teens, again, the confidence issue, alcohol was something that really helped me hide my vulnerability and made me feel confident with my peers. That's if I was going out, which I didn't do very much because from my background, you don't go out too much study, study, study. But yeah, I was very, very. Very scared of the world, very scared of reactions, very sensitive, and when I had that occasions where I could have some alcohol, it made me feel so much better, so it was always there, humming in the background, and life on life terms were quite difficult, once you got older, you went to university, you're meeting different people, and again, I was the only black student in my year, you I was very new, people saw me as very different and again that just exacerbated how I felt. But by that time, I was getting a sense of, yeah, I'm dead proud of myself and everything else, but it was still that feeling of, Just want to keep it all in. Hold it all in and hold it all in with laughter, joking. When it came to kind of events, it would be alcohol. Then alcohol started to seep in more and more and more. It became my crutch. It became something that it was my medicine. I had to have it if I was going to be in certain situations. And then the way I drank was very different. it was something was, because it was my medicine. It was my best friend. It was like, it was a secret, so it wasn't somewhere where I'd go out to the pub and drink, or go up, out and about and get drunk or anything like that. It was at home, it was secret, it was something that for a long time was just my thing.

Ad: 10:32

Because it was a secret, because it was your thing, no one, those changes... in you. Did no one notice that?

Bunmi: 10:42

I was very good. I wasn't your out and out drunk. I was high functioning. So I wasn't your out and out laying on the street, anything like that. I was pretty functioning. And there are a lot of highly functioning, highly successful people who are addicts, who are. heroin addicts who are alcoholics, who are in positions of CEO positions, that it's high functioning. So I was very much a high functioning personality. So it really wouldn't show. And it's something that, was with me for many, many years until yeah, the tolerance level. That's when, alcohol started to have an effect on me. And then. That's when the wheels fell off and yeah, that was it. That was game over. But yeah, for many, many years, highly functioning, highly functioning. Could get on with all my jobs, do the housework, the kids, the this, that, that and the other. It wasn't an issue.

Ad: 11:41

so I'm not asking this with any judgment, but because you were highly functioning and you could still just get on with your day to day life, I guess, did it not enter your mind of, okay, the damage I could be doing to my body?

Bunmi: 12:05

Oh yeah, absolutely. But because I was fit, as much of that, much of that time I ate well. All of that was still intact. and it was that drink in the evening that would make me feel better. so in terms of health, it was like, well, I'm exercising, so that must be kind of, you know, negating it. I'm doing this, I'm doing that. I'm drinking lots of water during the day. doing my yoga, doing my running, whatever. I was very, very active, but that was my secret sauce. in the evening. So for a long time, that balance was great. And you hear a lot of that, that you have people who are highly functioning, really kind of really, really fit, do really well at work. But then come the weekend, it's the Jekyll and Hyde, and then it all goes to pot and they're drinking or whatever they're doing. And then it's back to ultra fitness, It was extreme. I'd roll into the office or anything like that. It was, I've got it together and I was fine. As I said, when your tolerance levels start to go up and you'd have to drink more to have that same effect. So that was the main crux of the issue was alcohol wasn't having the same effects as it used to. So, An alcoholic will drink more and more to get the same effect in any drug, or it's like food, again, I'm a food addiction counsellor, that with certain foods people will eat, and then they will eat to have a certain feeling, and we call it emotional eating, but then after a while, that particular food, it could be cake, it could be candy. Donuts, anything sweet. It's not filling the void. Just to fill in the void and it stops working. So that hole in the soul is still there. you're trying to fill it up with food or alcohol or drugs or work or exercise but it's still there. So it's still that low humming. dissatisfaction with life, with yourself. and so that's what happens. You're trying to fill this hole and then it's not getting filled anymore and it's not working. And then you start, then that's where the self losing really kicks in. And, it's a terrible place to be in really, really terrible place to be in. and losing that, that sense of self. your best friend has now turned on you, and it's no longer working for you anymore. And that's why people overdose, because the drugs weren't working to the effect that they wanted it to work. this is where, anyone who doesn't know about addiction, many people say, Oh, it's self inflicted. And to a certain extent at the beginning, it probably is, but after a while it takes over and that addictive personality is a completely different personality to the person that you see in front of you. the addictive cycle is a neural pathway. So it's not, this is where the choice goes, where the person just can't say no. The addictive part of your brain is the, what we call the old brain. That's where we've got the, what we call the amygdala. We've got the cycles of survival, et cetera, where Maslow's law of hierarchy, you're fed, you're watered, you're warm, you've got shelter. all of those things, that's the old brain, that's the lizard brain, that's the survival brain. But when alcohol comes in, or a drug, because it is highly, highly addictive, it starts to change the neural pathway, It goes from wanting something to needing something. So then when you need it, it's part of that Maslow cycle and it's part of support, clothing, warmth, shelter, alcohol, or drugs, or food. It becomes part of that pathway and that is a very strong neural pathway. it's something that's very hard to break. That then starts to diminish the, what we call the prefrontal cortex. That's the decision part of the brain. That's your frontal lobe. That's the CEO of your brain. That's the part which talks to you about making the right decisions. Moral values. All of that. Is this right? Is this wrong? Alcohol, drugs, food, diminish that. So it starts to quieten down the prefrontal cortex. So, we make irrational decisions, poor judgement. that drink didn't help you, but your old brain is going, it's going to help you again, don't worry, have another drink. And your prefrontal cortex is so quiet now, you cannot hear the right decision. So it is a neurological, neuroscientific pathway. So when people say, why can't you just stop? That is the reason why it is so strong by that time that person need support, really needs to be taken out of the environment or the situation and get the support. And that's why we have things like 12 step, we have AA, NA, Overeaters Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, hundreds and thousands over the country. to help people and have that support or they may have to go into rehab, you know, to really stop the cycle, break the cycle with training, with support, getting to know what the problem is. And the most important thing is I didn't really realize what I was suffering from because I'm this strong woman. I'm intelligent. And it was like, why can't I stop? I could. And again, why can't I just put it down? And now I know today why. that happens and that's why I have an awful lot of sympathy and empathy and compassion for people who are trying to break, an addictive habit. And it's something that I've gone through for many, many years and I've broken, I am now 15 years sober. I'm 15 there and not everybody gets there. Well, and sane, and balanced. That's why it's a mind, body and spiritual thing. You know, we have to look at the spiritual aspect and the mental aspect. It's not just the physical stopping something. It's, what is going on for that person? what is the root cause? of all of this, apart from the, as I said, the neuroscience. Again, there's things like childhood, trauma, all of these things, psychological issues, mental health issues, family issues, peer pressure, all of that is, a real... kind of melting pot of what's going on for that person. And these are the things that have to be slowly unpacked in somebody's journey and recovery. this is something that is, that needs to be addressed in order to move forward. a lot of self forgiveness. we've done many, many things in our addictive behavior that has caused shame and guilt and self loathing and we have to heal those parts to be able to move forward, and many people find it difficult to forgive themselves for, maybe they've lost their home, maybe the relationship breakdown and it's all their fault. That's how they feel. But we have to sort of take it back a bit and look, this is an illness, this is a disease, because it is, and it is a disease, it's in the diagnostics statistics of mental, mental health and the manual, the DSM 5, alcohol is classed as a mental health disorder, and so is any substance use disorder, and it is treated, accordingly, so people have to give themselves, If they're in that situation, a bit of space and a bit of love and a bit of kindness and then get the support that they need, to move forward. When we spoke the first time I asked you a question for one of my friend's mums and, or at least in my head I did. and sadly she's now passed away. I don't know my friend, my, one of the things my friend said, I don't know why she's been. Drinking for however many years, so it was just inevitable that this day was going to come. I don't know if I agree with that. What can people do for those who they love and they care about, but you can't make someone go to AA meetings. And something I've always heard is. if someone has an addiction, they have to want to be able to give it up. Is that, this will lead me on to my second question, because I was going to come in with that, but is that always the case? What, because you can't make someone change their environment if they don't want to. No, that's right. There's two sides to this. and many people have passed that I know, We call it a rock bottom when it's so bad. You cannot think your way out of it. You cannot You're so broken. That's when you are your strongest. That's when you ask for the help and you get the help. Yeah, But some people always be in denial that they have a problem And that's the ones who will find that they'll probably pass away, that they'll keep drinking. Because the neuroscientific side is very, very strong, it's huge, hugely powerful, and we do say that in there, that it's, it is a cunning, baffling, powerful disease. It's a disease that tells you don't have it, basically. That is part of the neural cycle. There is denial, denials in there, as well as mental obsession, as well as cravings, as well as withdrawal. denial is there's a little blind spot in the neuroscience that makes the person feel that, that minimizes the situation. Oh, it's not that bad. It wasn't that bad. I'll have another drink tomorrow. It's okay. It was, I'll make sure it's all right today. I won't say the things that I said to people and offend people. I'll make sure I'll just have that another drink. It's very, very, very powerful. That's why you need to be in an environment where you with people in a similar situation, a fellowship, to be able to draw on experience, strength and hope because it is so insidious. if somebody's not ready and you can give them information, I would always say AA is very, very, very good. Okay. AA is very powerful. All the celebrities go to AA. When people think AA, they always think of, all sorts of weird and wonderful things. But AA is full of people like myself, doctors, dentists, nurses, lawyers, celebrities, singers, everything else. Look at the most amazing people that have gone in there and I've talked about as celebrities that it's saved their lives so AA is a very very powerful Place where you can take somebody you can take somebody to if you want to help somebody like family member Then you could say something like, let me take you to a meeting, and there are plenty of open, there's closed meetings where someone who's not an addict can go, but there's lots of open meetings where maybe you can take somebody who's struggling so that they can, Be welcomed. There's always a big welcome in AA meetings and they can sit and listen to the similarities and not the differences. And that was the most amazing thing for me. I remember my first AA meeting and I just cried because they were all telling my story, and I thought it was just me. it was just me and it wasn't, it was so many different people from different ethnicities with different crosses to bear, but they were all telling my story and it was the most powerful awakening, awakening that I had that I'm not alone. And because of that. I had the help and I could reach out and I could be vulnerable and I could then go through a system called the steps and get a sponsor and sponsor who I could relate to. And it was a black sponsor. She'd gone through the steps and she had many years of sobriety and I could go through all the steps with her bit by bit by bit. And that's when I got really well. Cause I knew I identified as, somebody who needs help and want to move forward. I found a black female sponsor. and I could go through the steps and I really worked it and I stuck with it because I knew if I didn't I'll die. I'd been in rehabs before, and again that vulnerability wasn't there. I wanted to be the strong black woman. I know better, it was my way or the highway. and so that's why I struggled because I didn't take the teachings and follow because I thought I knew better and my head was going, I know better, but I can drink again. I want to drink again like a normal person, but I know today that if I can't drink like a normal person, I can't pick up a drink and think it's going to be okay because I know this brain will go off again. So I always have to be vigilant, always have to do my little daily routines and rituals, which is really great and love it. It's part of my life. And, and and it's gone from strength to strength. So somebody does have to need it and get some help, but if they don't, Really understand, if you can take somebody to an AA meeting so they can listen and listen to other people and know there's similar people to them, that's fine. Or sometimes you can get what we call a 12 stepper, where you can ring AA and somebody can, volunteers call 12 step, 12 steppers, and they can come to the house and talk to the person.

Ad: 26:13

Oh, that's really good. That's really good. Oh

Bunmi: 26:17

yeah, it's a wonderful, wonderful fellowship. It saved my life. It saved billions of people's lives, and 12 step is a spiritual way of living, which I also do believe it's a spiritual way of living for everybody. anybody could do the 12 step. it's that, for anything, came to believe a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. In a

Ad: 26:43

You said, you mentioned shame. You mentioned a lot of people who have addictions, not just alcohol, just food, just addictions, they experience shame. This is a question that is always in my head. Is this because there is a stigma, even now, around addiction, any addiction, there's, is there still a stigma?

Bunmi: 27:08

Yeah, there is a stigma, let's be honest. Yeah, it's getting better because, as I said, we've had... many high profile celebrities that kind of talking about their issues, talking about eating issues, talking about their addictions. we've got, we've got some amazing people who we all know in the public eye that have talked, candidly about their journey and how, and their journey to wellness. I think it's less of a stigma. And because mental health is such a huge huge talking point now. That's part of the narrative too, addiction, body dysmorphia, negative body image, all of that's part of the mental health narrative. It's, it is easier, but there is still, again, it's that, why can't you just stop? and if there was more awareness around the neuroscience of addiction, like if it was in like schools, taught in schools or, we talk about it more, then people start to understand that, that struggle is a neuroscientific struggle, and just staying stopped isn't that easy. And staying stopped isn't easy as well because you have to really carry on with the discipline. of, a routine, moving yourself out of the environment. For instance, somebody's on like on drugs or on crack or they're going to have to move themselves. If they're really, really want to look after their lives and their wellbeing, then yeah, you have to make some tough decisions. You have to cut with the people who you were addicting with. I don't hang around, people necessarily that drink. I won't go into a bar. it's like if I go into a bar and I wasn't really a bar drinker anyway, but it's just I keep myself Vigilant, I won't have alcohol in my house If somebody comes like go for dinner so you can bring alcohol, but you take it You know, we don't need it here. And it's not that I'm going to be tempted, but I don't want that back in my head, do you know what I mean? No, that makes sense. It does make sense. And I don't have, I was very, very lucky that I don't have friendships where there were big drinkers. Okay. someone who's, around big drinkers, about big druggers, then yeah, you're going to have to say, but I would have to step back from that. But it is difficult, especially if it's within family, with a family situation, but that's where you get the guidance. That's where you get the help with things like AA. They will guide you, your sponsor will guide you, and trying to stay safe in an environment which could be, this, destabilizing, this is where. This is where you get as much help as possible. you cannot do this on your own. You really, really can't. AAs have really, really helped me. I got into the rooms 15 years ago. I've stayed sober since then, but I've done lots of lovely things because the self loathing, a lot of self loathing, a lot of things that I felt ashamed of. I could only sort of do so much with the, with 12 step. But the journey of discovery was like, who am I? When you've been drinking for a long time, your emotional age stops, usually. This is what they say at the time that you started to drink. And so my emotional side of me was, yeah, pretty stunted. So, getting to know me was amazing. Getting to know what I really liked. Getting to know my own inner strength, my intuition, my, creating my boundaries. I was very unboundary, I was very much... are people pleasing and there was no boundaries at all and it's, how hard can I work and I'm going to work really hard so that you'd like me and all of this. I think it just goes back to when I was younger when, for me, it was always getting an A. you've got to get your A's if you didn't get an A, you got a B, it's like, well, what happened to the A kind of thing? And then it was, I'm angry with you because you didn't get an A. So for me, I was growing up and I was in a, and it was interesting how those patterns started to be revealed when I got that I was busy trying to be the people pleaser so that people would approve of me. it was my validation. If somebody validated me, So that, that carried on through the years, until, years ago. Until... Yeah. You broke the cycle. I broke the cycle. Yeah, I broke the cycle. So that was all again, a learning curve, a journey of discovery. Yeah. we, we talk about, yeah, healing, filling that hole in the soul with good stuff. and loving yourself again.

Ad: 31:51

I know you mentioned AA. I know you mentioned about a sponsor and I completely accept that it would have been gradual. It wouldn't have been an overnight here you are process, but what's. Really, what helped you? Other than the things you've already mentioned, at what point were you able to make a decision to say, do you know what, actually, from what I've gone through, I can create something. I can create something that will help others. What sparks that off within you? the need to use your journey to actually help and benefit other people.

Bunmi: 32:34

I think that was from AA because AA is about passing it forward, passing your experience, strength and faith forward and helping people in that capacity. But then I realized also there was. People who wouldn't go to AA, they just wouldn't go to AA. And again, it's the stigma of AA. and, wanted to get, somewhere else. And it was interesting because within my profession, doctors, there's a lot of people, vets, pharmacists, there were a lot of, there was a lot of addiction within all professions, general professions and everything else. And I just realized that I had I had something to offer for those who wouldn't want to go to AA, for instance, I could help them. So I took, yeah, a recovery coaching qualification. So I became a recovery coach. back in, that was 2017. but before that, I was just became very interested in how we think, how we feel, how these negative programs in my head would You know, what's the story? Is this story real anymore? Is this something that I've been carrying on? So it's all about these negative programs that you carry and so I kind of did NLP, Neurolinguistic Programming. I wanted to find out more about why I think like I think. Then I went on to really going into the holistic alternative side to healing. I got very drawn to things like Reiki, kind of response therapies, somatic healing, which is when someone has trauma, traumas in the body, releasing trauma from the body. So all of those things I got really fascinated and, they helped me massively. And, then I became a recovery coach.

Ad: 34:22

What actually is. Reiki. what does it involve? Because I hear people talking about it, but I don't know what it involves and I don't really know what the benefits are.

Bunmi: 34:32

We have like energy systems in the body. That's why people like have things like acupuncture, Reiki, acupuncture, reflexology, massage. These are all things to get our energies right. So we are electricity ourselves. are electric. We emit electricity, our synapses, when we think, the sparks and the synapses. So we're electricity. When things aren't running right, and our circuits, we call them meridians, for instance, when our energy circuits aren't working right or crisscrossing okay, that's when there's illness and that's when there's dis ease. Dis ease, okay? Things like reflexology, massage, all of that. Start to work the energy, your energy patterns, the way and block certain points. you have energy points that may have been blocked causing maybe physical problems like neck ache or backache. And then there are also systems that are connected to your emotional side as well. So mental, emotional, physical, it's all connected with these energy systems that are running in the bodies. We can also call them chakras, which are any hot spots through that run through the spine, down the spine. We talk about the seven chakras. so all these points are, when they're running well, you're well, we call it energy medicine. That's the umbrella. It's things like Reiki, Donna Eden, energy medicine, tapping, emotional freedom technique, all these things are getting your energies, right? And I've always said, you know for me once my energy is okay, then everything else is okay So when my energy is running right and my system is running, right? My energy levels go up. My vibration goes up I feel better, I can do more things I seem to attract, lovely people into my life, lovely situations into my life. It's almost like you've got to attract, in a very positive way when your energies are really good. And it's been very obvious that when I am doing everything correctly, It's great. So that's why I got very fascinated with Reiki, went through all the qualifications, became a Reiki master. So I practice Reiki on myself and other people, but it's about the energy. It's your, everything is energy, and the higher your energy is, the more you have stamina, the more endurance you have, the more joy you have in your life. And so when we call about the life force, we call it Chi. life force, the life force within us. And that's the term. So Reiki is what we call Yusui Reiki, which is the life force and making sure that life force flows. There's no blockages, no blockages in your body. so your life force can flow through you and heal where it needs to heal, resolve what it needs to resolve. It could be an emotional release, for instance. it could be a physical thing, a mental thing that you start, obsessing. people have negative patterns, releasing those patterns. And it's all negative, it's all, we have an aura, we have an energy around us. It's called the electromagnetic field, the aura. and then the aura, that could also be blockages in the aura. So all of this is energy medicine and, yeah, it's pretty powerful. Thank you.

Ad: 38:00

I am just, I'm just so interested anyway, in energy, as a people who listen, no, but I feel like now, I don't know, I think most people now are, don't wanna assume. Mm-hmm. But most people are interested in finding another way to just be able to live their life in the easiest way possible, because no one really. You don't, no one really likes hardship. Not, it, not really. We all want to be at a state of pleasure most of the time, which fine is not possible, but at least being able to deal with the downs. And I feel like that's part the mindset, but I do think it's your energy.

Bunmi: 38:47

Mindset comes into it as well, but I definitely do feel it's the, it's just the energy medicine alone. being able to do tapping, and even if you don't believe in it, just keep an open mind, keep an open mind and try these things out because it's fun as well. But, today I find, I can live on life terms a lot easier. I still get the curveballs left, right and center, but they don't affect me the way they used to. I don't react. I respond. I've got that, that, that space between reacting and that's with alcohol as well, when you talk about the techniques we use for people to overcome an addiction, it's to stop that reaction, the impulse brain, which I just talked about earlier, which is your lizard brain, the wind, with the cycle, the programs. because when we're reacting life, it's the lizard part of the brain that, the fright of flight, whereas I want to be engaged more in the prefrontal cortex, which is the thinking, the more stable. And because I've been practicing these things over the years now, my prefrontal cortex, the thinking part of the brain, kicks in a lot quicker. it's, I don't react the way I used to, I kind of respond. So it just slows that impulse down of reacting and responding and life is still life. I mean, sometimes the same, exactly the same things happen the next day and you probably think, God, I feel really good. and it's not the events. It's your reaction and it's your response. That's the difference. So I could still be going, what, driving through traffic, and, people are Beeping and Beeping and beeping. I cook the bread rage or you could just like, hey, that's just the way it is It's like going with it. It just helps you go with the flow more Yeah, which gives you that peaceful state and it's the peaceful state that I want to achieve rather than the happy, happy, happy, happy is not something that's constant. That's not attainable, but being peaceful and content as much as you can in life is I think very important. That's something that I strive for every day is finding peace in situations, finding peace in life. Feeling content. And that's gratitude as well. Gratitude comes in. So again, I practice gratitude. That's something that's very strong in me. the things I'm grateful for, I'm grateful to be alive for a fact, for a start, because I could have been dead years ago. I'm grateful for, I get up and I'm grateful that I can even make my bed. At one point, I was so bad, I couldn't even walk properly and make my bed properly. So I'm very grateful I can make my bed nice and whatever. I've always said that. making my bed and that's my good start for the day. I'm just grateful for so much. And I count those blessings every day. I count my blessings during the day. I thank God every so often, It's something that's just something that's just comes out of my mouth now. I'm very grateful for, and at the end of the day, I'm very grateful that I had a peaceful, as much of a peaceful day as possible. And thank you. And I wake up in the morning, thank you for another day to. So it's having instilling all these things bit by bit, which makes life much, much kinder.

Ad: 42:09

Okay. But just to highlight, because you did say, I heard you say bit by bit, just to highlight to people listening, it is a process. It's not a, I meditate. and sometimes I may miss a day, but I'm, I meditate. But even then, sometimes when I Get angry or upset or annoyed and my partner will say, have you not meditated? It's a process. I'm still on my meditating journey.

Bunmi: 42:40

Nobody's perfect. And this is not about perfection. This is about just doing the best you can every day with some, just something little every day, just to remind yourself of that self care. I'm going to give myself 10 minutes, 10 minutes to meditate every day. That could be a start or I'm just gonna write five things I'm grateful for in the evening You could do it as simple as that. It's not gonna be some great big huge meditation for an hour and then thanking, I wake up in the morning, I do my prayers, I do my gratitude as well, I get on with the day and I just deliberately set intentions in the morning that my day's going to go well, I kind of visualize meetings going well, I visualize situations going well, my day going well. in the evening when we're with my family, it's all good, it's convivial, it's wonderful. And I do set that out in the morning. I do that in the morning and I just get on with my day. Anything that comes to pass that annoys me, I just, this too shall pass. You know, call in my, God if I need to before a meeting, for instance, or before a big event. I always call my guides and my spirits and God in. but that's something that's taken time. but I've started from the little things.

Ad: 43:56

I like that. we didn't discuss this last time because I did not interrupt with my random questions, but no, I like that.

Bunmi: 44:03

It's all good. It's just, within, I think from the black community that there is still so much stigma and that's I wanted to really talk about it. today and it's something that I am not ashamed of anymore because I know what I was struggling with and I know that I've actually come overcome and you know for anybody that's struggling out there for me it's just so important you know you think oh my god you know I've let my family down you know as a black person I should be strong. I shouldn't be going through all of this. You're human, for goodness sakes. You're human. At the end of the day, that's the first thing, we're human. And, we can get help. I used to think, Oh gosh, I can't go in there, I'm the only... Honestly, Colour didn't come into it. the help was there.

Ad: 44:48

recently, when I've been with people and they say something like, well, you know, she's going to look at me or someone's. And I said, what I'm realizing the older I get is no one cares. People are so concerned about themselves most of the time that they're not really looking at anyone else. But for some reason we, I don't know, I guess it's just human beings. We always think maybe someone's judging us or, and sometimes they are actually most of the time, no, because near on everyone has their own struggles, their own day to day struggles that they're battling with.

Bunmi: 45:26

It's just knowing that, at the end of the day, it's your life, And if because of pride. And, oh, I can't say this I'm black and I should be strong. And again, there's this whole thing about being black and strong. Yeah, in many ways, we are black, but we're human. we're human beings with feelings and vulnerabilities. and I think, again, that needs to be, not to the wrong people. you don't be vulnerable to the wrong people. But you just make sure that you're in an environment where you feel safe. your container, your capacity, your environment is safe to be able to talk, to someone and get that help that you need and don't ever, ever feel that you can't because you can. And if that means you're saving a life, then that's it. Because as I said, this is not, this addiction knows no bounds. It has no discrimination, whether you're black, white, Chinese, whoever, whatever you are, it will kill you. End of. So, if you need to get that help, get that help. And if there's anybody out there who's, got family, friends who need that help, give them literature, one very powerful thing, I think, was I think having a letter from My family members, and they wrote a letter to me, and the letter was just, Oh wow, this is amazing. And it's just, we love you very much. We love you very much, and I remember when you do this things, and that, and the other, and we feel really sad that, we haven't got our girl at the moment. But we're here to help you, and that was a letter. So sometimes a letter to a family member who's struggling from the family that love them would maybe kick them into maybe going, right, I'm going to do something about it, because they love me anyway. And that's kind of like a loving intervention.

Ad: 47:22

I've heard this from other people that I've spoken to about various addictions. And one of the things they said is. it's very lonely. It's it's lonely. So, what you say is a really good point. It is lonely, and people who are going through an addiction do feel as though they're on their own.

Bunmi: 47:47

Yeah, absolutely. it's isolating. It isolates you. Addiction isolates you. It tells you that you haven't got a problem, number one. It tells you don't need help, so it can keep the addiction going. It's like this. Jekyll and Hyde and it's always saying go on, go and have another drink. You'll be all right. Okay, you kind of fell over yesterday or you said something awful to somebody or you stole something. It don't matter. You're gonna be okay today. Just have another drink. It's like you're driven at knife point. and that's how I can describe how it felt, even though I didn't want to, part of me went, no, the other part of me went, go and have another drink, I just remember literally like I was hypnotized like a zombie, I would just get up and I would put my coat on and I'd go to a 7 11 and just get it and I, for the love of God, it was like, it wasn't me, and I'd buy that drink and I would literally, it wasn't me and I would drink that drink. And it's you just go on autopilot and you're there and before you know it, you're there at the counter and you're buying it and you have no... The decision making part of your brain is completely gone. It's just, this wants a drink, this wants a drink. That's it, that's all you have, this overriding monster in your head. And it's sometimes you cannot bargain with it. So that's why I'm saying the addiction cycles are very, very strong. And it does isolate you because it doesn't want to be judged by others. It wants to keep you quiet, keep you away. And that's when people die.

Ad: 49:18

You've set up an entire, you have a business, that's how much this meant to you to be able to help other people. It's not based on just you have an addiction to alcohol, it is just people who have different addictions. That's correct, isn't it?

Bunmi: 49:38

yeah, I mean, addiction is just the override umbrella that people could be addicted and people can cross addict. the minute I stopped drinking. I'm going through my journey. Then it was food. Food was just as ferocious. That was what, that was a cross addiction, and that's why I'm saying I'm sober from, alcohol and I'm free from food addiction because that was the next thing that I latched onto, the binging, because it's that when people stop smoking, they eat loads. that's across addiction, that's people who work loads, they'll addict to alcohol or they'll addict to over exercising. It's addiction jumps from one thing to another. So that's why you have to get the kind of the root cause of the addiction because it will just keep popping up here and everywhere. the funniest thing is I remember even when I, sort of overcame the food, then it was magazines. And it was like, that's so random. It was so random, honestly. And it was like, I would get, I would see a news story in a magazine and then I'd go, right, and I would hunt and get, say, 20 magazines and see if I can find the same story. And if it's slightly different, that story, that's how addiction goes. So I was addicted to piles of magazines like this. and people go, What have you got those magazines for? I need to find the, and was this, I had to find it, I had to find it, I don't know. For what reason? Addiction. So I'm laughing at it now. People gamble, people could turn to gambling. People stop gambling and start drinking. It's just, addictive, people have addictive personalities and genetically as well, there's a genetic predisposition to addiction. So in the family, for instance, you could have, parents who maybe are alcoholic, the child might become a food addict. It's, there's the, what we call the D1, D2 allele genes that, I think it's the D1 or it's the D2 one that's missing in someone who has an addictive personality. So again, a gene expression passed down from generations to generation, again, we're looking at the genetics and the epigenetics of addiction. So it's super interesting field.

Ad: 51:50

I'm smiling because I'm listening to you when you're talking and you're mentioning things that I have no idea about and It's just I can tell how interesting you actually find it.

Bunmi: 52:02

I wanted to find out what I was, I wanted to really find out what I was struggling with, you know I couldn't, this woman who is intellectual, who For the best part is sensible. How the hell do I keep getting myself into the situation I was getting myself into? This is when I started getting to recovery, and I really wanted to know more about it, and really get underneath what it's all about and get beneath the addiction and the stigma and everything else that this is, people don't drive themselves and drink themselves to death for the fun of it. When people talk about self inflicted people don't stick a needle in an overdose for the fun of it You know, there is there's something else and that's what I wanted to find what it was. And yeah, lo and behold It's all out there. it's all google able even But yeah, super fupa powerful and unfortunately, it's getting worse and we've got You know, we've got the next generation of all sorts of drugs and, addictions just, addictions there. I remember saying to, my girlfriends were wanting to rehab when I was in the right state, got an addiction to alcohol. Every single person I knew said they knew somebody who had a problem with an addiction. Everybody. Whether it was her uncle, whether it was a family member, whether it was a friend, everybody has been touched by addiction. this is not the, this is like the pink elephant in the room, it's there.

Ad: 53:27

before I spoke to you, the, I've been speaking to different people and I've been classifying them as the epidemics that we don't actually, we don't talk about the things that are going on that we talk about, but not really. And you do make a really good point because now I feel like I want to ask people. Do they know anyone who has an addiction? I think maybe when you say addiction to someone, in my world, most people will automatically go to alcohol or drugs, but that's, it's, that's just not, it's not that simple. You can be addicted to so many things. Many things, yeah. Thank you for pointing that out because that is actually a really good point.

Bunmi: 54:12

it's not just that, but they can cross addict as well, but. Everybody will know somebody. I find this, I find that really interesting. Everybody will know someone. Thank you. You're welcome. had that whole list of questions. I didn't need to ask you questions because you just, you just I forgot. I forgot from last time we spoke. I didn't even see your questions. I thought, oh God, what questions are there?

Ad: 54:39

No, no, no. It's alright,

Bunmi: 54:40

yeah, it's fine. But yeah, just anybody who is struggling, please, please, please, please, please, either you can reach out to me, you know, and I can give you some advice, but in your community, there'll be peer support somewhere, and I assume BA, there are other kind of peer support. for this, I'm not entirely confident with the GP service, they'll probably just, they'll just signpost you anyway, 12 step.

Ad: 55:09

I'll put links in the show notes for places that people can find advice

Bunmi: 55:16

right. It's so, so crucial to do that. If someone's been listening to this, they don't know where to start. But yeah, definitely 12 steps. Overeat is anonymous. Narcotics, anonymous. Alcoholics, anonymous. There's the sex anonymous as well,

Ad: 55:31

it is true The list of addictions is endless. Yeah endless and so I will put them on there But if it's okay, I'm also going to put the link your link on there as well for your website Yeah, okay.

Bunmi: 55:45

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's for food This is for food because that was their one for me. I think that's the one where people really do struggle like really struggle because food's everywhere. It's not a controlled substance. Trigger foods, the food industry have made a very good job of addicting people with ultra processed foods. And so I actually found it was hard. It was a short, sharp shot with food. As compared to alcohol because it was you have to eat. Yes, you have to eat yeah, and then the Chemicals that they put in to food now is just criminal to get you hooked and get you addicted It is just they spend billions of research on how to make what we call the bliss points it's so good that the dopamine surge, the minute you have something to eat, is so massive that your cycle, you talk about addictive cycle, it's already in there. And then the more, I'm not going to talk about particular brands, but, your ultra processed, crisps and foods and sweets, all of that, they've got what we call the bliss points to make it more ish, to make it, I need that again. it's going from the liking, as I said, So the wanting to the needing and the whole food industry is about that and this is where Again, we need to get the awareness around it and a bit like alcohol years ago. Well, why is it so addicting? Why can't I stop because a lot of the foods have got this in? And so it's educating people as to what this is about and what we can do about it and how to break the cravings and The withdrawals, and so that, yeah, it's a big, it's a big thing. Ultra processed food, just a quick one. The ultra processed food company was taken by the tobacco industry. The tobacco industries bought the ultra processed food industries. And they used the same business model, which is Cheap. Addictive. High margins. Profit. There's a book called, I can't remember the woman's name, it's called The Unsavoury Truth about the food industry. And I'm just going to write this down. And it's going down the rabbit hole, but it is amazing. But the tobacco industry, yeah, more or less took over the ultra processed food industry. Again, putting preservatives in. There was sugar in tobacco and cigarettes. Yeah, can you believe it? Yeah, and it's all to make the big dollar It's most make huge billions of profits get people hooked get them eating my stuff Let's create lots of variety as well because the brain likes variety The brain also doesn't really want to cook now because it's all there in front of us to stick in a microwave and whatever So it's made it easier for the brain we don't have to forage for food anymore. There's the packets there in all its glory. so we don't even have to cook. We can have those bliss points. We're going to have those big highs quite easily, with all the sugars and all the other additives put in there. And then they buy more because we've now got it into the neural pathway. We've got to have this. We've got to have that. Oh, it's very, very powerful. And then it's the handshake with the pharmaceutical industry.

Ad: 59:27

No, no, no, no, I've made a decision that I am trying my utmost to no longer speak about the pharmaceutical companies again. It's a trigger. I feel like most people if they knew would also have an issue with pharmaceutical companies, surely. but that's my issue.

Bunmi: 59:45

Oh, this is so much that has come out. why the heck are everybody on statins?

Ad: 59:49

My friend said that to me when I got her to come on the podcast to talk about. Her mum, she was talking about her mum and, Alzheimer's and she mentioned that, that her mum was given that particular drug, but Kemi, bless her heart, said, I'm not going to, just go into my suspicions, but yes, They're pharmaceutical companies. why not? If we just give it to GPs, they'll parm it off on people. and then we'll get paid either way. I'm going to let you go now because I could just keep going.

Bunmi: 1:00:23

it's been a pleasure being on your show. Thank you so much. It's been a pleasure and I hope I've you know, open some minds about addiction and that, let's drop the stigma about it because it isn't a self inflicted.

Ad: 1:00:35

I want to find out whether I can book myself into, some, for some Reiki because I think I actually would like that.

Bunmi: 1:00:41

Oh, it's lovely. It's beautiful. It's very gentle. It's very supple, but it's about clearing your energies and Again, we are multidimensional beings and it's not just the physical, it's the emotional and mental and it's the spiritual. And if all that's not addressed and cleared, then you keep repeating the same thing again and again and again. So breaking yourself out of that cycle is like clearing the energy so that, the good programs can come in and the good actions that you do, actually make a difference to your whole system. No, I am. I genuinely do believe that. I do believe that. Oh and sound healing is brilliant as well. I... Yeah. It's all to do with vibration. It's great.

Ad: 1:01:26

Thank you so, so, so, thank you so much again. Second time around.

Bunmi: 1:01:30

Oh, that's alright. I yeah, you didn't feel so kind of, Oh, am I going to talk about this? And how will people feel? Because you know what? So many people are going to go, Mm hmm. Okay. All right. Oh, oh.

Ad: 1:01:47

No, I no longer give, I no longer give anyone who speaks any boundaries. I just, because someone, even if it's just one person, I'm not, I'm going to stop talking. I'm going to stop talking. I'm going to let you

Bunmi: 1:01:59

go. All right, then take care. I look forward to, yeah, if once you've done it. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome.

Ad: 1:02:07

I'm so sorry. Let's just all try and do better by ourselves and by one another. Bye bye bye!

Bunmi: 1:02:19

Take care. Bye

Ad: 1:02:23

I will be back in a fortnight with another episode with another guest and in the meantime, grateful for you all and going to just say it again, do the best you can, mainly for yourself and then if we're doing the best we can for ourself, hopefully that will give us the strength to be able to do the best we can for Other peoples. I'm so sorry. Let's just all try and do better by ourselves and by one another. Bye bye bye!.