Their Story Their Voice
Their Story Their Voice
ENCORE: The Amazing Harriet
This episode was first recorded in July 2022, I talked to Harriet Barnsley an amazing young person who is a reminder to us all that despite what life throws at us we can always choose how we respond.
When a traumatic incident changes your life forever where do you get the strength to keep going.
Rather than dwelling on what happened she adopted the attitude of sharing her journey to help others.
Show notes:
https://thistooshallpass464.wordpress.com/2022/05/30/triggered/
https://www.headway.org.uk/about-brain-injury/individuals/brain-injury-and-me/harriet-barnsley/
https://www.birminghammail.co.uk/black-country/i-hell-woman-who-survived-23334024.amp
https://amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/jul/14/experience-i-was-hit-by-a-car-doing-101mph
https://www.nimblefins.co.uk/cheap-car-insurance/top-causes-car-accidents-uk#top
https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/608904
Please note content discusses subjects that may be triggers for some listeners.
Music by:
(Neffex - A year ago)
(Neffex - dont want to let myself go)
Why aren't we focused on we're here? We've got enough problems as it is, regardless of wondering why we're here. Let's just deal with what we've got and make each other better.
Adeola:Welcome to another episode of Their Story Their Voice this episode was originally recorded in July, 2022. And Harriet, was the guest that changed my attitude to certain things. next week, I'll be putting out the episode where Harriet and I spoke. Again, in August, 2024.
Harriet:How are you?
Adeola:Thank you so much for doing this because I'm super nervous because I know you're confident and you're happy sharing your story, but I basically just wanted to make sure that I did you justice. So I'm going to start with some basic questions. Can you just say who you are? What you do, what's important to you, and what you're doing in life at the moment.
Harriet:Okay, four questions, right. My name is Harriet Barnsley, I'm 29 years old and I live in Birmingham in the UK. I'm, so that's what I do. I'm, I do, I do a lot of things. I've, I've been trying to work with the life that I have now that I have constant fatigue from the brain injury. So I just, it's a lot to contend with, to try and keep up with normal life. So I've carved a different sort of life myself where I have like two or three volunteer roles. I play wheelchair tennis. I'm learning to be a counsellor. I'm studying public speaking to go around talking about road safety, to name a few. I like to be busy. I have to have lots of naps throughout the day, especially at the moment, especially in the heat. Like I'm, I have quite a lot on, but I, but because a lot of it, so it's voluntary and like wheelchair sports, I can drop things when I need. So I'm trying to Learn to kind of, I'm trying to keep up, but when I need to, I just, I drop it to rest because that's got to be a priority.
Adeola:Actually, you don't need to. You don't need to keep busy. You could just say no, because of all of these reasons that I'm not going to go into yet, because we're not there yet. So I don't know. Is it, is it important to you to be busy? Yeah,
Harriet:good question. It's not particularly important for me to be busy. So I was hit by a car eight years ago and I've had eight years of recovery. I watched the rest of my friends and the rest of the world just going to normal life and work full time jobs and then I was at home just trying to recover. And that in itself bothered me and has taken years to kind of adjust to not needing to be busy. But also, so I go, I go through phases of sometimes I'm doing a lot, sometimes I'm doing very little to nothing. As of when I need really, but having built up the stamina and having built up some sort of level of fitness, especially recently, just means that I'm so excited that I can do more. It's not so much a need as just as like, I just want to get loads out of life as much as I can just.
Adeola:I just love your attitude, because I'm sure you must know that there's people who just day to day find a lot of irrelevant. I call them first world problems to complain about and that's why I really wanted to talk to you because you just do, you just do, and fine, maybe some days you'll, Not this ray of sunshine because we can't all be a ray of sunshine every day. No, I think most of the time you probably are a ray of sunshine and I'm in awe.
Harriet:No, but like, thank you for appreciating it because I don't like Because I don't tend to get loads of recognition for my attitude. I suppose people that know me and have been around me just like treat me like normal, but I, but it takes a lot of energy and a lot of effort to have work so hard and work so hard because everything is a lot of effort and always will be and sometimes it gets too much and I've got a therapist and we've been talking about how we used to deal with it and things. Anyway, so in 2014, on the 31st of May, when I was 21 years old, I came home from university. I'd completed my degree in philosophy the day before, came to my hometown, met my oldest friend, went to go to a hen party for one of our mutual friends. and then woke up from a coma. In my mind, it was six weeks later, not knowing how old I was, not knowing what I'd been doing, not knowing what was going on. I was lying. Couldn't move a single part of my body, just staring at the ceiling. But I didn't have the words to explain that I couldn't see properly. So I had double vision. So I just couldn't. And I just thought it was a fake world. It was a big joke. Someone's there's got to be actors. It's got, it just can't be real because it's just weird. Like I was like, okay. And then eventually I saw my mom next to me. And I was like, okay, mom's here. This is definitely real. Like, I don't know what the other, all the other people are doing, but I trust that mom's looking after me. She was just that, next to my bedside reading a magazine, which she did basically every single day, which was amazing. And then I, eventually, then what happened? And kind of just like, knew deep down I just had to get on with it. I knew like, I don't, I don't know what, I can't particularly remember myself or my life before. I kind of focus on the new me and try not too hard to like focus on what was. But like, it just didn't really seem like a choice. You can never comprehend the multitude of what happened. But then I just started to deal with it. I mean, I didn't really have a choice to not deal with it. I've played it out of my mind. I was like, well, if I sit there and I cry and I say my life over, my life will be over. No one's going to make it better for me. I have to do something with it. And I just, I use that to propel me forward.
Adeola:I don't believe every person who would have been in your situation or maybe people who've been in your situation would have the mindset that You've had and it's not just the you started off with that mindset. It's the mindset that you've worked to actually maintain it also because you like to focus on the here and the now and being present in the current moment, which is something that we all should do a lot more. You just have the best attitude and I'm not just saying this. You really do. And. You are extremely infectious and inspiring. Honestly, I don't actually know if you realize it,
Harriet:and I, I'm like, thank you again. So people are like, oh, I'm impressed with you. And then like, I'm amazed that you do these things. And I reply, well, I'm impressed and amazed that I do them too. I'm just sat there like, oh, it's a relief. That that I've, I've, I know lots of people seem to wallow in things and I just, I, it's hard to. Watch for it. I just feel bad for people for like knowing that you can choose to cope with whatever happens to you Maybe the worst thing in the world, but choosing to cope will only Can only help make better and she's not to cope will never make it better bit of background. So partly because When I was two years old, my sister Katie was born and she was three and a half months early Kidney failure stone cold death laying difficulties. She got meningitis when she was born And so me, my mom, my dad and Kate have just been a unit and she's alive and she's thriving, but she'll never be able to be independent. And we just support her and work around. I've always had the perspective. Like I've never really got when people like, you know, like at school when people would just like, they'd shoot you down, put you down. I never really got that. I was like, I always just understood it from the get go. Life is there to be valued and let's just get on with it. Like just what I did.
Adeola:you do, you just keep going.
Harriet:So I had, I woke up from coma, I thought my sister knew, and I was 21 at the time, I'd had my sister in my life for 19 years. My first memory was putting my hand in the incubator and her squeezing it, like I just, like, she sees the world so beautifully and just like, doesn't try and compete with everyone else I'm always like, oh, you're the best. She's like, yes, I know. I'm like, you're great. I know I am. Yes. I was like, she's just great. And then I eventually learned that my oldest friend had been with me on the evening and had been killed by the car that hit us. And while that was absolutely devastating, and I was like, just of all, of all the people in the world, don't be her, it was like, the, the most, that she meant the most to me outside, directly after my mum, dad and sister, she was the most important person to me. Well then, and then I just decided, and I was like, well, gotta make the most of it, and like, it would be insulting to her memory again, to just lie down and be like, this is horrendous, like, I just, I know, like, Other people would have reacted differently, but I just chose to use it to make me stronger.
Adeola:What did happen on that day? I'm very aware you don't want to know. It referred to as an accident and I'll be honest, I never thought that in my head. I didn't really, I didn't ever think, well, there may be a reason why, actually that's not the correct terminology for what happened. And I read, obviously, because. I just read up loads of things about what happened, and I read that you did the petition to the House of Parliament regarding it. It's changed my attitude in the, I know they're called accidents, but I understand why. Actually, no, they shouldn't be.
Harriet:At first though, like we always, when people would ask what happened, I would say accident, because there was, you know, there's an accident we fall over and there's an accident that you just immediately picture a car crash for some reason. I don't know why it's always in spookers like that, but I still have to check myself every now and then, because the fastest way to explain it is say I was in an accident and it's trying to undo all that conditioning and Okay, I came back from university, met my oldest friend, like, this is all I've had to piece together, all of this, because I can't remember finishing my degree, I can't remember the weeks leading up to it, I can't remember the day that I got hit by a car, but apparently, so we walked through the park, we're standing by on by the bus stop that's next to the park. And I assume that we're looking at each other talking. I don't know. I can't remember. I've tried to find a memory, but thank God I can't actually get there because it would haunt me. Apparently two cars were, had been speeding down the 40 mile an hour road for miles. Well, they were caught on camera just before they hit the bus stop at 101 miles an hour, and we were thrown about 50 meters into the park. So, like, I landed in grass, like, which would have saved my life because you can't throw, like, getting hit by a car whilst not in a car to protect you is, like, really hard to survive in itself. It's just crazy that I did. Apparently Becky was unconscious or like had been killed at the scene immediately. Apparently I was found in the park, sat up screaming, like as my lungs filled with blood, which is a horrible, I don't, I've no memory of it, I don't ever want to have it, but the weird knowing that it's there is, has messed with my head quite a lot. And then the driver. His car was in the park. He got himself out of the car, let himself out of the car, and apparently, so the park was full of families, adults and children on a sunny Saturday evening at like 7. 30 at night, and apparently he got out of the car and repeatedly said, Don't tell my wife and people tried to lynch him and just tried to attack him. I just, and, and so when the emergency services arrived, they had to deal with two women in critical and the third casualty being the driver because he crashed into the park.
Adeola:I understand that when you work for the emergency services, you have a duty of care. Irrespective of what the person's done, I know that, but I find, I am finding it slightly difficult. I'm struggling with that one slightly, which makes me a bit disappointed in myself, but I'm just being honest. And I know he has a wife, I'm going to assume he has other family, so I guess you have to take the action out of the bigger picture, and the bigger picture is he also has people who care about him and love him, and regardless. The emergency services do have a duty of care.
Harriet:Okay, I have an interesting thing on this. So, five years later, I developed psychosis at Hospital, got ill again, and knew that I was getting ill. And so I went to A& E three times, at different trying, to communicate that I was unwell and couldn't look after myself and needed to put in hospital and they wouldn't listen to me. And I told my story to one nurse and it was like, I was delirious. I'd accidentally overdosed. It was like three in the morning and she like took me for an ECG and I like looked to see where her hand was and she like slapped me and then I went on a big like ramble about like. How dare, like, I was like, how dare that she, cause she'd heard me tell my story and made it made me sound like I'd, maybe, I don't know, maybe she thought that I drove the car and crashed it. I was delirious trying to explain what happened years ago and they treated me like a villain and I got really upset because I was like, why do they think they can decide? They're not a court of law. They can't decide if you're innocent or guilty, which is the complete polar opposite to you. And then I went on a big rant about how, like, they took it, the driver that hit us to the hospital for two weeks and loads of staff refused to treat him because they knew what he'd done. And I went on a rant being like, you know, but, like, this is a human being. We all deserve to be treated, but if something doesn't sit right with you still. It's like, it's interesting to talk about though. I
Adeola:feel like if he was someone in my family, I do think I would have struggled with that. And I know that's wrong and it's not the right thing to say. I'm aware of that, but anger would have been my go to emotion. I would have been angry with him. I guess people just deal with things differently. And sometimes, I don't know, if you can't solve something, I guess you go to whichever emotion that you can at the time. And in that situation, what happened to you and to your friends? I don't know. I still feel like anger would have been the predominant emotion that I would have gone to.
Harriet:No, it's refreshing to speak your mind about it. I don't just, I've done a lot of, I don't know, I work very, very, very hard on my mindset. I don't expect a lot of people to be able to be where I am, particularly without the experiences that I've had. I've had People in my family, people that are my friends have just said, like, I'll kill him if I say that I'll kill him, like, I'm just going to kill him. And I would always reply that, you know, like, killing a killer is not going to help. It's not going to make it better. Like, I would disown you if you killed the man that hit us with a car. I understand you're angry, but everyone else did this whole, everyone else was all angry for me. And I kind of, especially when I was in hospital and I eventually found out what happened. I was like, Kind of glad that everyone else was raging for me. So I didn't have to do any of it. I was like, okay, they're angry upset I'm gonna focus on me and get better and that's kind of just what's happened
Adeola:I'm glad you focused on what you needed to focus on rather than going to anger But I do understand why people around you did go to anger.
Harriet:Yeah, I understand it to a certain extent I've never been able to let myself feel any of that anger really, but I don't know, like, I don't really do anger in life. I think I get frustrated occasionally, but whenever, what's the saying? It's like, anger told me the name, which is grief. And it's just like, I don't know, like, accepting whatever happens, no matter what happens. And like, and especially when everything's going wrong in my life, like, just anything that ever happens, I need to be able to accept it. Because accepting reality is like, Really important. Otherwise you'll struggle to adjust to it all the time. I think.
Adeola:So. You never felt angry with him at all?
Harriet:I feel like that's was important for me to never, I don't know, I just, so I woke up, I couldn't be a single part of my body. I was scared that, that my, my legs had been amputated. I couldn't look down and check like. The amount of energy it took to eventually learn to bend my fingers, like, let alone sit up, was so, like, everything took so much energy that I just didn't care. I was, like, indifferent to them. In my head, they don't exist. I've never met them. I can't remember it. It's not, I kind of just blank it out as a thing because I don't see what it is. What I would gain from, like, what I would gain from, like, thinking about them too much. People over the years are always like, oh, what happened to the drivers? Like, what do you think about the drivers? And I'm like, I don't care what happened to the drivers. That doesn't change what I have to deal with. I have to deal with, like, a lot. Like, it's, I don't know. Does that make sense?
Adeola:It makes perfect sense. I did have to really consider whether I wanted to ask about the driver. I
Harriet:think go with, on these things though, go with your gut though. If that's a burning question inside, you ask it.
Adeola:No, it wasn't. I didn't. I was speaking to people, just telling them that I was going to be speaking to you and they said, Oh, well you have to ask about the driver and I did say, I'm not sure, asking about the driver, it takes it away from it being her story and then I'm focusing on him and not her and her journey, so I didn't really want to do that.
Harriet:Yeah, I suppose, like, whenever people do ask me over the years, like, what happened to drivers, it feels like I'm like, you're not really dealing with the fact that I'm here in front of you, like, you're just like, it's like a very diverting the how, yeah, rather than dealing with the here and now and how I am now, they're like, but what happened to the drivers? And like, I don't, it's not something about them. But people are so, I think people are so caught up in the fact that like, they can't, Comprehend not being both about the drivers and like, so I woke up, but it's all very hazy for a while. Kind of convinced myself that I must have done it to myself. I must have, like, I don't know, ran to the road or been drunk and not know what's happening. Like, you know, I must have because the, alternative of someone else having courses to me and have killed my friend. It's so like, I feel so violated that someone had the right to do that to me. Like, it's my life. Like, how can someone do that to someone else? I just can't comprehend it. I
Adeola:don't feel like anyone else could comprehend it. How did your mum cope? Just because I don't know, I can't imagine for one second what that must have been like for her.
Harriet:Yeah, so, my mom was a pediatric nurse when Katie was born, so she like, it, so she was used to the medical world, she could, I think my family went into roles, my dad had to go back to his self employed business and he had to like, he sorted out getting an extension built on the back of our house in time for when I left hospital so I could actually move back home because it was on the ground floor. Like it was incredible. My sister just came and she drew a little, she had a little notebook and she like keeping a diary. She just did little pictures and like, you know, played with stickers and just like supported like gave me, occasionally would bring me a glass of water that had a straw so I could sip that when I couldn't move. She'd just do her things. And mom just like, again, Just got on with it and it wasn't at all we've ever done really as a family's got on with it She's just sat by my side was there As long as possible. She was there outside of the visiting hours. They'd let her come early and leave late. They were understaffed. So whenever anything got missed or anything needed chasing, she just went into that mode and I got to the stage where I was like getting ill and throwing up and couldn't help it. And she'd like be the one person that was there to bring a sick bucket to me because the all the staff were busy. Cause it's actually, and I don't know, she, she got signed off work and she eventually quit. And to support her disabled daughter, my sister, me, who's become disabled and that was her focus. I've never really asked her too much about it, just in the sense that, like, because it probably would be too painful because I feel what she feels. It was hard enough dealing with what I dealt with, let alone having to worry about other people. So they never made it, ah, you know, life at home is really hard at the moment, you know, they've never put any of that on me. And when I got put in hospital for mental health reasons, I had like, someone said to me, they were like, you know, but think about Joe, your partner, think about how hard it is for him at home. And I'm like, that's not, that's not going to help me get better. You're giving me that on top of being ill and being put in hospital, isn't it? Worrying about the people at home.
Adeola:I believe that sometimes people don't really understand how mental health actually works, because actually, if you could click your fingers and be okay. You would, but you can't, obviously, hence why people struggle with mental health, because it's not something that you can just get over just like that. I just don't really find that particularly helpful, because it's such a burden. Experiencing what you're experiencing in that moment in time, and then to add that pressure on
Harriet:Right, so that, exactly from my mental health perspective as well, but applied to me in hospital when I woke up from the coma, Mom, just like that, that was how we dealt with it. They just like, we're not going to put none of us are going to put our stresses on you because you're already dealing with it enough. That's just how it was. Yeah. So when you asked, so when you asked me how mom dealt with it, I mean, I watched her and she dealt with it as she could, like, but I don't want to know how hard it was.
Adeola:How long were you in hospital for? So,
Harriet:I was in hospital for a total of five months. Coma for a month, two weeks of memory loss, so I'd forget the day before. Three months in the initial hospital, started getting sick. I don't know if my body was freaking out from what had happened, I don't know, but I just threw up. Every day, three to five times a day for a month. I lost two and a half stone. I went down to seven stone. Now I'm five foot six. I just need it. I was like, I was just like, I need my strength to be able to move to the rehabilitation hospital. So that was delayed because of that. And then I got to the rehabilitation hospital and I was put on like a brain injury ward full of lots of old people. Elderly people and the staff treated me because they were used to dealing with like, everyone's understaffed and everyone, like, they just have to do the best they could, they're fine. But the staff treated me like I was one of the elderly people in terms of like, so they used to, they'd come on their things and like, you know, they'd be like, come on, have a wash and get up and get dressed and like, try and encourage these, these elderly ladies. to deal with their life, to carry on. And a lot of them, a lot of the patients who got to the stage where they're like, Meh, you can do it. I'm right. I'll lie down. Like, you know, I'm old. I think it's tired enough. But, and then the staff would turn to me and they'd be like, you know, come on, reach your shoes and put on, put on your socks. And I couldn't bend. I had bone that fused my hip to still shut. And I would sit there and I was like, I can't. They're like, I'll just try. And I was like,
Adeola:you physically couldn't. It's not a case of no, I'm not in the mood today. Might just skip it. You physically couldn't. Yeah,
Harriet:I just, and I could, and I'm not the sort of person that has ever been like, I couldn't ever be like, excuse me, like, no, that's not, I'm dealing with all these things. I couldn't want to list the thing that I was dealing with. I just kept it to myself and was like, I can't and then eventually like, but because of that, Because the whole general attitude of, of the hospital and they kind of like physios, didn't have enough time. Everyone was overstretched. I just worked faster than I possibly could to get out. I was like, I can't stay here. Like, I just, I got put in a room with a lady that had an MS that kept trying to kill herself. Like I just, I couldn't stay there. And I was going to work hard anyway, and I was fit before. I was fittest and healthiest I'd ever been as I got hit by a car. And the doctors say my lungs were really strong and I was like, that's where I survived because I was really fit and healthy. And so I've got the brain injury fatigue, like fatigue means that I'll never be able to have that level of fitness again. I can't ever run again. I can barely walk or stand for long periods of time without being knackered or uncomfortable. But I still pushed as fast as I possibly could just to, just to get out.
Adeola:You know your body, you know your mind. Do you possibly push a bit too much sometimes? Do you have days where you do push yourself a bit? Yeah, a bit too far.
Harriet:Oh yeah. I'm not a superhuman Yeah. So I'm like the fittest I've been in the last eight years, which is why I can do so much and I'm so excited by everything. I'm still having to miss out on things. I'm still having to, if I walk slightly too far or I just, or mental exercise as well as physical exercise. if I use my brain too much, my body gets knackered. I have to have lots of days out. I always kind of really like, I don't know how to play up my struggles. I don't, I, people ask how, how life is. I'm like, it's fine. It's great. Like, and then, and then, you know, when someone's like, can we not do something soon and not like tomorrow? And I'm like, I really, I can't function. Sorry. Like it's, I don't really try and explain it to people. I'd rather just get on with it because when you do explain it to people, fine, I can get the consideration, but I don't want to have to convince someone why I just want to. Go away and deal with it on my own. That's part of how I've always dealt with the whole thing. And I feel like not resting on other people is important. Dealing with my own thing.
Adeola:I just love your positivity. I'm just going to keep saying it.
Harriet:That's why I want to do these podcasts is because I want to just share it as much as possible. Okay, so I got messages from lots of people like when I posted my, I bet it's like, oh, hello world when I woke up from a coma and I got like 350 likes and I was like, oh, stood up today, like however many months later and I post these little tidbits as and when I achieve these things And one person that I didn't really know, but had been to my school, messaged and said they had been mentally paralyzed, like they'd just, they'd been like, their mental health had meant that they could barely leave the bedroom, they had to have medication to just leave the room to use the toilet, they couldn't function, they stopped being able to live life, and she was like, about a year older than me. So, What happened, saw we post little bits of recovery and saw me like deal with that I had dealt with and gained strength and used that as motivation to get herself better. Got herself walking and talking again. Got herself moved out and got herself a job. Then I was like, you know, because I've touched lot people's lives, I don't really realize it. And then I've had a, like a few of those stories and I was like, I've gotta start a blog and just reach out to more people because for some reason. I have this determination to cope with whatever is thrown at me. And I just feel that people benefit from seeing someone do it. I know that all situations are different, but just having the strength to just deal with something ridiculously traumatic, like makes you kind of think, Oh, well, maybe I could do it too in my own life.
Adeola:If I could bottle up your attitude, your positivity, your energy, I would. Not actually sell you. I would give you away to people for free. Although, if I sold your energy, I feel like I could make a fortune.
Harriet:I really like, I'm amazing. I mean, I can't, I can't, yeah, I don't realise the extent necessarily, but feel, I can feel like the power inside of me. I can feel like the, like the, I don't know. I don't know how are you like about spirituality. I feel like we're all connected and like to some sort of higher power. I don't really necessarily believe in religion, but I think like, and I feel that like Becky is dying. She's gone into the universe. And I just kind of like use bits of like, the idea of her, or the like, the thought of her, or just use bits of strength from people. You only see people cope with things and I'm like, oh, be like that person when they've had, this one had dealt well. I feel like I would just pull this from all the other people around me and kind of inspire me and just,
Adeola:I have a whole lot of crystals. I actually have one in my hand. Do I believe in God? I don't know. I believe in the universe. I believe in energy because I can see that. I can see, I can see trees. I can see flowers growing. I don't know. I don't know. So I believe in the universe.
Harriet:Yeah, I read like quite a lot of Buddhist books. I'm reading one at the moment that's like, that's just started saying, I can't remember. I read it last night. I can't remember exactly how it was, but it was saying that, you know, there's not the things that we have like in religion, like, you know, God and Jesus, they're so like, it's like, we shouldn't be encouraged to be like someone else. We should be encouraged to be ourself. Like, it's not a case of, And then just deal with what you've got right in front of you. That's, that's all you can do. There's no point in thinking about anything else, really. Like, that's, I read in like a book that I can't remember. It's a really good quote. It's like, people say, I wonder where we came from, you know, like, why are we here? And how is the world? How it is? And blah, blah, blah. All these questions are like, why and how? And really, you know, why aren't we focused on, we're here? Why aren't we We've got enough problems as it is, regardless of wondering why we're here. Let's just deal with what we've got and make each other better. That's, that's the key to it. I mean,
Adeola:Is there anything else you'd like to share?
Harriet:What would I particularly like to say? I don't know. that if people want to find me, go to my blog. This too shall pass 464. So I'm writing a memoir. I'm trying to get an agent at the moment. I'm building a following. I'm going to just dust off a bit of shit if I can't get an agent, but it's going to be called Throne, which I really like. It's like I was thrown physically into the park. I was, my life was thrown off course and. There's a thing in pottery that like, it's called throwing when you, when you, when you build something with something out of the dirt, the clay and like, and that's beautiful. And it's gonna start with a episode of me and psychosis. So my psychosis, I thought I was dead. I thought I was living in hell. I thought a nurse had said to me in hospital, what if none of this is real? It's all in your head. Five years later, I then believed that. I was like, I said, I repeatedly said to myself, no one survives this. No one survives this. And then it got so low that all I could see was sadness. And I thought I was in hell. I thought I had to die again. Getting sectioned and getting put on medication saved me. Saved me to the point where I couldn't really grieve from the crash before. I couldn't remember it. It didn't really feel like that. I couldn't, I just, I couldn't ever, like, you know, it's too big a thing to be like, okay, I accept that and move forwards. I didn't know how to. I thought if I bowed down to it, I'd never get back up. Getting ill, getting sectioned, having the worst nightmare of psychosis in my head. And then that turning out not to be true. It's like set me free. It's the most freeing thing to like, I feel like I can breathe again and that's what I'm kind of writing all about. This is my book and I kind of have the perfect, I'll have a really good combination of the physical recovery, loads of different ailments and challenges. I've tried to amputate my leg loads of times. I use a wheelchair, I use crutches and then the mental health problems, which I could never really relate to before.
Adeola:Mental health is actually real. People are struggling. People were struggling. prior to COVID and prior to the lockdowns and now it's in the spotlight. A lot more and that, that's got to be a good thing. I like that there's a lot more focus now than there's ever been when it comes to mental health because historically it just used to be swept onto the carpet. You're fine, go to see your GP. GP would give you some tablets and say, Okay, just get on with it and need to clarify. Not saying there's anything wrong with going to your GP and taking tablets. There are also other things I feel like they should be recommending alongside medication.
Harriet:I'm so glad I've had the experience, no matter how painful it was of psychosis and bipolar, to be able to relate to other people's struggles and to not be like, Oh, no, just like, you know, just put on a smile and deal with it. It's just so unhelpful. So then that's why I'm trying to be a counsellor. I'm just I wanna help people with my book and I wanna help people in person. I've done the first part, I'm starting the next part. It's like it's several years for, but, but I'm also going to be volunteering on a helpline to have people phone up and say, I'm not doing with life and like supporting them how I can in the meantime, as I feel like that would be good training and also really good to do. I kind of, I'm, I've, I've got half, I've got into the training of counseling and I, I just want to start helping people. So the like volunteering roles. will be really good for that. That's my one struggle with say the helplines and counselling is that really it's not got to be about me, it's got to be about them and dealing with them. But whenever someone shares something painful I can relate to so many different hard things and when you share little bits of oh I've had this and I've dealt with this I can, I get it. I feel that's like so much more healing than just saying, Oh yes, I like helping people find them as well because lots of people are nothing compared to yours. I'm like, no, we've all got stuff, especially now because COVID is like, you know, shook everyone's world. Like someone said in a podcast they were like, Covid's kind of like, given people a taster of what it can be like for life to suddenly go, be like, taken away the way you know it, and everyone has a bit more sympathy for trauma now, or like, people's struggles. Like, disabled people are getting a lot more support now, because people are like, oh, things can get wrong.
Adeola:It's not that I'm into doom and gloom, because I do, uh, feel like I just want doom and gloom. That's not it at all. I just like people who've experienced something and come out stronger in spite of that experience. And those people don't always come in the form of Gandhi and Mother Teresa. Those people are All around us, just everyday people, and I just don't know, we don't get enough time to speak to those people.
Harriet:I get that though, like, I'm just drawn to talking about people's traumas. Connecting is how we relate. Like, it's just seeing what they carry inside them, it's just beautiful, I think. It's fascinating seeing what people have gone through to get to where they are.
Adeola:I promised last time, you're amazing, not because of everything you've been through, just because of who you are. And honestly, thank you so much, Harriet.
Harriet:Thank you very much.
Adeola:Thank you for listening to another episode of Their Story Their Voice The next episode where I speak to Harriet. Will be available. Next Tuesday. So until next time, be kind to others and most importantly, be kind to yourself. Thank you so much! Bye!
